Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Yes, I Put Pineapple on My Pizza, Sue Me
What business is it of yours if I put mango in my risotto? Hm?
Articles
Letter to the Elusive BrätBus™: Why Do You Hate Our Wonderful Midwestern City?
You’re telling us that our beloved home--a place where many Hagen-Hogan BrätBoy Brats™ have been happily consumed--isn’t worth your time?
No Fair! Kevin Had His Growth Spurt and Now He’s 45 Feet Tall
Kevin’s voice sounds like Dad’s. Except it cracks walls and sets off car alarms, and also he accidentally stepped on a school bus.
I’m Proud to Announce I’ve Been Selected to Pay for a Full-Ride Scholarship to the University of Business Online
While UBO might not be part of the “Ivy League,” it is part of something called the “Platinum Preferred Double Points Club."
An Updated Pricing List for My Emotional Labor
Stranger Tier: The stranger package has been updated to eliminate basic greetings and small talk.
Hey Babe, How Would You Feel About… A Twosome?
A ménage à deux, so to speak. After all, the only thing better than sex with nobody is sex with somebody.
Journal Entries from a Hotmail Survivor
Day 2,121: In my book, only cowards change their email when a better and more convenient option becomes available.
Hemingway’s “For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn” After He Was Told It Had to Hit a 500-Word Minimum
The man thought of all the places he had seen “For Sale” signs. He had seen them in boutiques and department stores and flea markets.
I Am a Real Person, With Real Feelings, With a Real 48-Foot Medieval Trebuchet
A childhood love of swords became an adulthood of arguing with my spouse about turning our foyer into a showroom of my medieval cutlery collection.
After Credit Scenes from the Bible
And she did reply, "No, they are of no concern to us. Let them wander in the desert. We shall begin… Project Babylon."
Job Listing for a Company That Does Things Hella Different
If you care deeply about results and have at least four buddies named Tyler, we can’t wait to meet you.
Thoughts from My Yearly Run
I’m not stalling, I swear, I just need to Google best-stretches-running-question-mark.