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As part of white collar drug treatment program, baristas serve liquid methadone lattes on G train. Every other Thursday, system-wide Backwards Day.
Here's an incredible statistic: if 100% of people at the brunch paid me back right now, you would never have to hear from me again.
Hey you, filthy nasty Garbage. I feel like we got off to on the wrong foot, but let's get back on track: you'll never amount to anything.
When Uncle Bob leads the family in grace, take the opportunity to open Tinder for some discreet, under-the-table swiping, but still visible to Derek.
No one truly understands the introvert. That needs to change, and that change will begin with an uninvited three-hour conversation.
Mirror the shark's movements so it thinks it's looking into a mirror, and then the second it gets suspicious, bonk it on the head and swim away.
Hey Santa, could you spend a little time with me this year after coming down the chimney? You know, discuss Bitcoin valuations and eat some cookies.
OMG! This award-winning humanitarian and advocate for oppressed peoples doesn't know how to operate decades-old agricultural equipment.
I've had it. The picture of me in your "cool" MeUndies boxer briefs that you just sent to eleven different women really pushed me over the edge.
Project confident body language, even if your instinctive reaction to the Ashes cementing Xwq's control on your mind is to slouch and fidget.
Check out these classic movies to watch with your family this Christmas! (Unfortunately, recent Hollywood scandals have forced us to update this list.)
Rejecting the opportunity to Google duck penises all night on the internet just to have sex with someone is a slap in the face to Bill Gates.