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10:00 A.M: A phone call! Could it be an inteview? No, just those Mormon missionaries you gave your number to during that “Who am I” phase in college.
Do not assemble in a wet location. Do not assemble at altitudes lower than two thousand (2000) miles below sea level. Do not assemble in a sea.
We reserve the right to reserve the very best table at the most expensive restaurant in your surrounding area and to charge it to your credit card.
Your complimentary shirt will consist almost entirely of sponsor names. You can take part in the latest trend: advertising local plumbing services.
Relationships are about one thing, and one thing only: affordable housing. Find someone who doesn’t smell too bad and lock it down.
I asked you on a date in my head and pretend-you said yes. This confirmed it; you are a kind-hearted guy who can see the potential in me.
Let’s take a look at our international weather for all you lucky ducks who’re able to afford trips without forgoing health care for two months.
As a result of that whole "free will" blunder, any direct divine intervention is off the table. We did, however, agree to a compromise arrangement.
We are, however, committed to making you feel like you are a premium customer.
We’d like to pinch some sense into you with our deadly pincers, but we fear that this will only make you reach some new, unfathomably stupid conclusion.
Players who take, like, 20 napkins and then use, like, just two napkins and throw away the other 18 will be ejected from the game.
All I can offer you is 60% off all denim-wear. So yous can getcha some toddler overalls or some jeans for any little tikes yous two may know of.