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I need to be moistened. I must stay moist. Look at me upside down and I become the illustrated narrative of Ben’s epic friendship with Matt Damon
That air of unbridled exhilaration and freedom you had? We always have that look, Todd. Because we never have to deal with your wretched offspring.
Have you ever been out shopping and you try on a super-cute top and it gets stuck and you look like you’re wearing a nun costume?
Whereas politicians say lies, trains say only “choo-choo” and “chuga-chuga” and “stand clear of the closing doors, please.”
For approximately 134,000 of my New Brunswick neighbors and others across the globe, I became the face of workplace sexual harassment.
3. Bargaining: “Maybe if they make some goofy videos it’ll make up for the shitty songs, right? I mean, come on, it works for OK Go."
Take Time To Ideate: Commune with your butt on the shape and altitude you’d like to achieve together.
I Love My Car Package: This package is specially designed for those whose 16th birthday was the greatest moment of their life.
HELLOOOOO! Hope you brought the peanut butter, because that my friend was a mouthwatering jam!
"Is this because you just lost your job? We’ve been through this, you’re an excellent reporter and they had no right to fire you! You won a Pulitzer!"
"I set a goal [NUMBER OF YEARS THE TEAM HAS BEEN TERRIBLE] ago and I was determined to give it [CLICHÉ FROM MOTIVATIONAL KITTEN CALENDAR]."