Just to play devil’s advocate, what if we didn’t defund the police?

I, a white dude in your comments, know I haven’t presented any facts that disprove what you’re saying or posited my own argument but hear me out: how about we don’t do that? I just want to make sure we’re thinking about this from all angles, which is why I feel compelled to make sure we include the viewpoint of Just Not Defunding the Police.

Listen, I know these struggles are just theoretical for me—but that’s why they’re so easy to argue against! And definitely why you should take the time to listen to my take of Just Not Defunding the Police, since it will have almost no implications on my day-to-day life. I am someone who can actually think clearly about this, and I wasn’t going to say anything, but you seem a little emotional about the whole thing. This is just a fun intellectual exercise for me. A little Sudoku, except where people’s lives hang in the balance. And I happen to be really good at Sudoku (I use a pen!), which is why I’m sure my voice is needed here to take up space and ask you to consider the other option of Just Not Defunding the Police.

Thinking out loud here—doesn’t defunding the police seem overly tactical to you? It sounds like something that has actionable outcomes and could actually affect the way things are run. Have you thought about making that more meaningless? What if we reinvented the raison d'être of the police? Or maybe disrupted the notion of the concept of police? Or even if we reimagined the construct of the police? No, I don’t have any idea what those mean, but did just want to take a second to toss it out there with no details since it’ll have no ramifications for me while people are dying in the streets.

The best way to figure out a solution is to talk it out—with me, someone who apparently doesn’t have access to Google and is just hearing about defunding for the first time from your Facebook post. I have to say with the full gravitas of my wizened 27 years of life, I don’t think this is a good idea. I got a C+ in government junior year so I feel ready to dive into the deep end when I ask you, what if instead we Just Didn’t Defund the Police? It seems like a strident and clearly defined approach, which is the last thing we should be doing right now—we need to take some time to make sure everyone’s heard on this important issue. By everyone, I mean me, of course. I will be sure to spend the next several weeks responding to all of your social media posts and even texting you despite the fact that we haven’t talked since Mrs. Hanson’s Pre-Calc in 2010 to ensure I’m heard. We have to give all voices (mine) their due on Defund the Police and make sure their opinions are heard (Just Not Doing It).

What’s that? This isn’t a new idea, you say? We should listen to the Black organizers who have been fighting for this for decades? Just want to provide another perspective here: we’re all minorities in some way. I play on a pickup basketball team, so I get what it’s like to be underrepresented and feel uncomfortable in situations. So here’s my solution to this whole you know, thing—what if we Just Didn’t Defund the Police? Thank you for reading and I look forward to you blocking me.