Wassup Northwest Maine Southwest Regional Birders,

Welcome to our April birding newsletter, mothercluckers. It’s Paul, your birding president. The Peak Of The V, the alpha chicken. The pandemic has been a frickin’ dope year for birding since it’s the only safe activity in the entire world. Which also means it’s been a shitty year for everything else. Birding > everything.

So punk rock.

Just wanted to send a solid “wassup” to our 4,000 new members who joined during the pandemic. Our group is now 4,014 birders strong. We’ve always had a pecking order and that has been violated by basically an egg. He hasn’t even been in the group long enough to have hatched in a chickadee gestation period!! Unfortunately, this egg, Darrell, scared the living shit out of a titmouse. Screw you, Darrell!!! So now I’m reminding everyone of the bird code of conduct when you’re out in the field.

  • Shut the fuck up when a bird is doing their call. We didn’t come here to hear your dumb shit about how you made a good sandwich yesterday. We came for the show.
  • When you’re going out birding, do not stand in front of shorter birders. We’re all here to see the effing birds and if you’re going to be a normie about it, get out.
  • Don’t expect to get paid to bird. You’re just lucky to be seeing a bird. If you’re a real goddamn birder, you do it for the love of the bird. Oh, you want “The Man” to reward you for seeing birds??? GET BENT.
  • I don’t care who you think you are, if the snowy egrets are nesting, tell your effing friends you can’t hang out that weekend. No one misses the egret fledglings, N00b.
  • Don’t you dare go to REI and buy fancy birding clothes. Grab that moth-bitten shit from the back of your dad’s closet and put on your hiking boots from when you did construction that one summer in college. Act like a real birder for once in your goddamn life.
  • Cardinals are the sellouts of birds. We don’t fuck with sellouts. If you see a cardinal, just pack up and go the fuck home. Your day is ruined.
  • You’ve probably never heard of a Capercaillie call (it’s rare as hell) and they’re migrating next month. So, when they get here for their stopover, be chill and don’t embarrass me.
  • Here’s a giant middle finger to the entire birding community that doesn’t use the Peterson’s guide to IDing birds. Wow you get your birding IDs off an app? Get fucked.

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