Know Its Default Settings

Your Introvert has several natural states of being: Curl Up with a Good Book, Make Tea and Watch a Movie, Craft!, or Journal Vigorously. To keep your Introvert happy, make sure it’s well-stocked with essentials such as fuzzy socks, indie films (Sundance winners preferred), and a metric ton of Moleskine notebooks.

Bring your Introvert upwards of 50 books per week, as It will devour them (figuratively and literally). Often, this species builds small huts or thrones with these books. Encourage this creative behavior.

Serve It tea 15 to 20 times each day in this bookish domicile to ensure It is maximally hydrated and soothed.

After a Big Night Out, Do Not Approach Your Introvert

Whether it was an Iron & Wine concert or a long walk with two other people, social activities will leave your Introvert drained, and extremely dangerous. Know the signals of this volatile state. Is It avoiding conversation? Is Its body language more defensive? Have Its pupils gone milky white? If so, DO NOT speak to It for 36 hours. It must complete the Recharging process to heal from the Herculean effort that is mingling.

Socializing sucks energy from Its batteries. The Recharging process entails connecting these lithium-ion batteries to a low-voltage power source, and allowing the batteries to reboot in peace and solitude Once the Introvert has finished this ritual, It will approach you as a sign that It is energized once more and ready for measured doses of socializing.

Consequences of provoking an exhausted Introvert include: Getting Your Head Bitten Off, Laceration by an Incisive Comment, and Choking on Noxious Fumes (Introverts often flatulate when feeling threatened).

Speak in Soothing Tones

Introverts respond positively to quiet, friendly sounds. Try to stimulate your Introvert’s Autonomous Meriden Sensory Response (AMSR) by only speaking in whispers and giving the occasional scalp massage—maybe you’ll even hear Its rumored purring!

To maintain an ideal atmosphere at all times, play music by Simon & Garfunkel, Fleetwood Mac, Ingrid Michaelson, Bon Iver, Death Cab for Cutie, and Jack Johnson, among others of the Inoffensively Acoustic genre.

Make Sure Your Introvert Gets Plenty of Fresh Air

While these creatures love ruminating in dark corners, They also need fresh air and sunshine, just like humans do. Give your Introvert plenty of time to frolic, trounce, romp, or just pensively wander outside for an hour each day. They often take long walks in the woods alone, which might seem queer, but you must resist the urge to accompany it. Trees and dirt are a great source of creativity and nutrients for this companion. It must commune with nature by Itself. Your Introvert will also appreciate you infinitely more if you let it wander when it needs to.

Respect Your Introvert’s Space

Introverts might seem unusual or strange because they spend inordinate amounts of time alone. This behavior is perfectly typical and must be respected. If you try to stay by your Introvert’s side at all times, your Introvert will feel Smothered and come to resent you.

Instead, let your Introvert come to you. A disconcerting amount of time might pass before your Introvert rubs Its head against your shins as a sign of affection, but know that your Introvert still loves you even if It doesn’t express affection all the time.

Some Introverts have gone as long as 50 years without speaking to others, but that doesn’t mean the flame of love is any duller. Be honest if you cannot be with It at a certain moment; It will understand. Whenever you go out with friends, always invite It out so It feels included, but do not be offended if It says no. Just remember to greet It in Its book hut when you return.


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