Michael Richard “Mike” Pence
Activities: Bigot Brothers Bigot Sisters, Intelligent Design Club, Elkhart Mission Trip, Students Against the Decriminalization of Sodomy (Founding Member)
Senior Superlatives: “Most Highlighted Bible,” “Most Likely to Stay on This Side of History,” “Best Hair”
Ambition: Marry Mother
Rex Wayne Tillerson
Activities: Boy Scouts of Real America, Adopt-A-Coal Plant, “Conrad Birdie” in Spring production of Bye Bye Birdie, Russian Club
Senior Superlatives: “Firmest Handshake,” “Only Student Named Rex”
Ambition: “Conrad Birdie” in Broadway production of Bye Bye Birdie
Elisabeth Dee “Betsy” Prince
Activities: Young Republicans, Young Billionaires, Young Republican Billionaires, Glee Club
Senior Superlatives: “Most Private School Spirit,” “Most Likely to be Rich Already,” “Nicest Maid”
Ambition: Edjukader and Fillanthrupiss
Thomas Edmunds “Tom” Price
Activities: Students Against Socialized Medicine, National Rifle Association Youth Ambassador, Straight-White Alliance, Circular Debate Team
Senior Superlatives: “Most Likely to Find a Cure for Cancer Then Immediately Destroy It So as Not to Play God,” “Best Smile”
Ambition: Decrease the surplus population
Jefferson Beauregard “Jeff” Sessions III
Activities: Prom Imperial Wizard, Mock United Confederacy, English Only Club, Volunteer Book Burning
Senior Superlatives: “Class Minstrel Clown,” “Most Likely To Become Infamous,” “Best Square Dancer”
Ambition: Solve the Great Horned Owl Spirit’s riddle and become a real boy
Steven Terner “Steve” Mnuchin
Activities: Mathletes, Teens Against Bullying of Big Banks, Offshore Financial Exchange Program, Hedge Fun!
Senior Superlatives: “Most Likely to Foreclose on His Teacher’s Home,” “Most Unique Neck”
Ambition: Produce an Entourage movie
Benjamin Solomon “Ben” Carson
Activities: Fake Science Bowl, Ancient Egyptian Architecture Appreciation Society, Mandatory Anger Management Classes
Senior Superlatives: “Mostly Well Meaning,” “Pretty Innocuous All Things Considered,” “Could Be Worse”
Ambition: Cautionary Tale
Stephen Kevin “Steve” Bannon
Activities: Fellowship of Anti-Semitic Athletes, Chief Strategist to the Student Council President, Puppetry Club
Senior Superlatives: “Most Likely to be Your Boss’s Boss”
Ambition: Burn it all down to the ground