She lies a lot, but not the normal lies about age, weight, and whatever so-called “ladies” lie about. No, she's in a whole ‘nother category. She lies when she's drunk, to strangers to see what crazy things they will believe, about her occupation, her age, her race, her sexual orientation; pretty much anything that shocks people. She loves the reaction she gets when she tells them a crazy lie. One time at a club, she told a guy she used to be a stripper named Roxy and if he dropped that name at Déjà Vu (the local strip club), he would get in for free. The man was so appreciative of her helping out, he even said she made his night.

She lies on Mother's Day to get free things, by taking her cousins with her and saying she's their mom. She lies about having sexual encounters with girls, when her guy friends are drunk, just to see how much of it they will believe. They know she's straight, but they still hope she's bi-curious, just like every other stupid male in their 20's hopes about any and all women. She lies to the most to random people, especially guys she's not interested in. Instead of telling these guys she isn't interested, she tries to make herself seem as unattractive as possible. Sometimes this backfires and makes them even more interested in her. She mentions that she is an amateur magician, that everyone ought to compost their own feces to “go green,” that cats are delicious, that she steals stray cats to throw on the grill, and that she is building an underground shelter for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

She loves to see how stupid people are and how easily they will believe things. Most people just let lies die, but she allows them to go on for months sometimes. She once lied in high school that one of her friends—a girl—was on the guy's wrestling team, and her guy friends believed her. A couple of months later, when they asked if her friend could hang out with them, she said no, that she had a wrestling meet. Then, she texted her guy friends back that her friend got disqualified from the match for eye gauging, so she could chill after all. She stole this scene directly out of a movie, but none of the guys caught on.

She lies on Mother's Day to get free things, by taking her cousins with her and saying she's their mom. They have fun hanging out with her, and she gets free food—what's so bad about that?

She especially loves to tell servers it's her friends' birthdays, when her friends are in the bathroom, and then watch as the whole restaurant crew emerges singing “Happy Birthday.” Her friends usually get embarrassed when she does this, but they get a free dessert, so why shouldn't they be happy?

She lied last weekend when she told her friend that Ron Diaz was coming. She convinced him that Ron Diaz was a person, not a bottle of rum. They obviously didn't drink enough to know that Ron Diaz is a rum—and she tends not to trust people that don't drink. She believes that people who don't drink are able to blackmail her, post photos not meant for everyone to see, and other all-around evil things (plus, she would have no idea what to do with them… go bowling? Play charades?).

If you're too naïve, she will absolutely use this weakness to her advantage. She lies just to make life more interesting, to see who will fall for such ridiculous lies. She may not always tell the truth, but you bet your ass she makes life entertaining and benefits from the idiots in this world. I know this awful person awfully well, for she is me.

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