Hey Facebook! I know no one asked for this and none of you care…

But I'm self-centered and annoying so here are my favorite things I pretended to watch, listen to and read this year!

Top 5 Movies of the Year

  1. (Movie critics liked)
  2. (A movie everyone liked)
  3. (A movie that isn't out yet, but he swears is playing in “select cinemas” but refuses to name the “select cinema” he saw it in)
  4. (A movie critics liked so everyone pretends they saw it but they actually didn't because tbh it looks hella boring)
  5. (A movie no one saw)

Top 5 Shows of the Year

  1. (Season four of a drama you don't keep up with)
  2. (Season one of a comedy he thinks is edgy but is actually just problematic)
  3. (Sitcom that's only available on an obscure streaming platform no one has)
  4. (Drama that was really good and you liked a lot)
  5. (Some cartoon that's only listed to make you aware that he's self-aware enough to admit that children's media has good storytelling but it also makes you wonder where he found the time to watch that much television)

Top 5 Albums of the Year

  1. (Rap album that he hopes listing on his Facebook will excuse his casual, everyday racism)
  2. (Mainstream pop album that's actually pretty catchy)
  3. (Rap album)
  4. (Indie album you've never heard of and aren't convinced actually exists)
  5. (Whatever the hell Taylor Swift put out this year)

Top 5 Books of the Year

  1. (Book that got really good reviews)
  2. (Non-fiction book about a war)
  3. (“Non”-fiction pop psychology book)
  4. (Book that actually came out two years ago but is popular again because 20th Century FOX just bought the film rights)
  5. (Whatever the hell Bill O'Reilly wrote this year)