Extra Dry Martini

A not-so-well-kept bartending secret for making a dry martini is to pour in the vermouth, swirl it around to coat the glass, and then pour it out before adding the spirit. Linda taught you that. For our extra dry version, swap out the vermouth with more gin and serve chilled or on the rocks!

Still Water Gin and Tonic

This quintessential beverage is an easy-drinking option for any occasion—even for when all your friends and neighbors take your wife’s side of the divorce. Just add 1 part gin to 2 parts tap water and serve chilled!

Gimlet

Fun fact: this tangy cocktail originates from Sir Thomas Gimlette, who served it to sailors to prevent scurvy! It didn’t work, but for this recipe, you’ll need a few sugar packets from the pile in your otherwise empty pantry. Dissolve the sugar in 1.5 oz of gin and a splash of tap water. Typically, you would then add lime juice. You could ask the Harrisons from next door, but it’s still pretty awkward from when they knocked on the door after your last screaming match with Linda to ask if everything was okay. Let’s forgo the lime.

Gin Fizz

This perfectly balanced sweet and tart cocktail will remind you that, unlike in your relationships, sometimes opposites attract. The gin fizz advances on the gimlet by adding egg white for that classic frothy foam topping. You still don’t have any of those ingredients but that’s alright. If Linda can substitute your relationship of 12 years for a fling with Chris from work, you can substitute more gin for the citrus, syrup, soda water, and egg.

Salty Dog

This is one of those drinks where you can be a little thrifty and use a cheaper gin—perfect for that bottle you bought yourself last weekend. Take a chilled cylindrical glass and mix in gin with grapefruit juice, or in your case, with tap water. Next, hold your drink and lean against the fridge. Think about that spark you once had with her, how you both couldn’t get enough of each other. How the years went on, and you fell into routines: date nights became obligations, and “I love you”s became meaningless. How monotony turned to acrimony as you began resenting the little things about each other. How the daily fights and distrust escalated until she finally stripped you of everything you own including your sense of purpose and self-worth. Use your tears to make a rim of salt on the glass. You’ll be amazed by the subtle difference this makes!

Three Shots of Gin

An oldie but a goodie, your new go-to drink is great for any time of the day. Did Linda take the shot glasses? Just free-pour into a glass and be adventurous!

Tell us which of these classic recipes is your favorite!


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