We have received some complaints in regards to our recent announcement “that all members of The Justice League will be amongst the last to receive the vaccine.” We were incorrect in assuming that all our members are immortal and we now realize our initial stance would leave exposed our most vulnerable and the fish they may live with.
We will now be scheduling appointments here at The Hall Of Justice for all employees who want the vaccine. Please see the attached document to find your date and time slots. Any questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to [email protected].
We would like to apologize to some of our team members for leaving them off our initial list: Kyle in shipping, our office temp Brayden, and Aquaman are all treasured members of The Justice League and we are truly sorry for the error. We would also like to thank the over one hundred of you that let us know we left Kyle and Brayden off our list. It’s very nice to know we as a workplace care about our coworkers.
You will now see a complete roster of employees: starting with Superman, Batman, and our more high profile employees, going all the way through the VP and Associate levels, down to our current intern class. Thank you for your patience as we figure this out together.
Thank you for your continued responses in regards to our vaccination process. We would like to publicly address the two main complaints we received in regards to our previous memo:
- We will now make sure to first vaccinate our front-line staff before moving on to the rest of our coworkers.
- No, having “the ability to speak to fish” does not allow you to jump the line.
Please see the attached document for the most up-to-date list of appointments. Thank you again for your help in this process.
It has been brought to our attention that our current appointment list implies a partial bias in its ordering of employees. We did not mean to suggest a hierarchy here at TJL and wanted to remind everyone we are all on the same team. So we have once again revised our policy and will now be organizing our rollout in tiers based on location:
Tier 1: Front line workers
Tier 2: Superheroes/staff whose base of operations are in major cities
Tier 3: Rural locations that don’t rely on mass transit
Tier 4: Island- and/or lair-based
Tier 5: Primarily have non-Earth-based adventures
Tier 6: Everyone who lives underwater
If you have any questions as to which group you fall under (“I have a lair, but it’s in a major city…” or “I have a base in both Metropolis AND New Krypton..”) please don’t hesitate to reach out to HR.
Thank you for your feedback on our new tier-based vaccine rollout. Unfortunately, there were some who felt our last memo did not evenly or fairly spread out appointment time slots. So to avoid any implication of favoritism, we have re-organized into new tiers alphabetically:
Tier 1: Staff designated 1a (front line workers)
Tier 2: Superhero names starting P-Z
Tier 3: Superhero names starting with “The”
Tier 4: Superhero names starting B-I
Tier 5: Superhero names starting J-O
Tier 6: Staff designated 1b (those who interact with ouzr Heroes on a daily basis)
Tier 7: Staff designated 1c
Tier 8: Superhero names starting with “Aqu”
Please follow this current format and ignore all previous memos re: the vaccine rollout.
Please disregard all previous vaccine memos. While our most recent list favored our employees with the most day-to-day citizen interactions, it did not take into account our most at-risk co-workers. We will instead rank our tiers on super abilities and weaknesses:
Tier 1: Front line workers
Tier 2: Crimefighters who are human
Tier 3: Crimefighters who aren’t human but interact with the public daily
Tier 4: Mortals who don’t directly stop crime and other support staff
Tier 5: Immortals with immune system easily weakened by Kryptonite
Tier 6: Immortals who are impervious to pain and other identifiable symptoms
Tier 7: Immortals with the ability to fly on their own or own private transportation
Tier 8: Anyone whose special abilities primarily involve sealife
Lastly, we do request that when you are eligible and you would like the vaccine, please don’t turn down or defer to a later category. Don’t be a hero. Thank you to all our heroes for your cooperation.
We have been strongly advised that vulnerability is not something we should have revealed publicly. Please delete the previous email. We will now be grouping the tiers based on the same criteria the CDC has used for the general population:
Tier 1: Everyone following their local state and municipal governments roll out
Tier 2: Aquaman
This will be our last memo. Thank you for your patience.