1. She’s totally an old soul.
Even if she spends 18 hours a day bouncing between Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Just check out all the selfies she posts with romantic quotes and song lyrics. An old soul can’t be satisfied by modern romance, she needs to be treated like a lady to get anywhere with her.
2. You can bet she’s got a self-diagnosed mental illness.
It’s more than likely that she’s got a case of depression, anxiety, or PTSD. Even though she’s never been diagnosed with any of these painful disorders and only exhibits one or two symptoms inconsistently, she’s got a lot going on in her mind and you should be understanding, and not judgmental. She will post about her issues a lot, but in an indirect way. She’ll post articles on Facebook with the caption “this.” So you know it’s serious.
3. She is so complicated.
One minute she will be ultra-clingy, the next she will be pushing you away. She expects you to chase her. Even though this is fucking maddening for any normal human being, it’s important to humor her and oblige. She wants to pick fights with you, make you feel like shit (and utterly confused), and then she wants you to text and call her a hundred or so times apologizing. She wants that screen shot of you telling her just how important she is to you, and how much you love you, and how you would do absolutely anything for her.
4. She is afraid of commitment, but at the same time she wants to rush things.
Once things are Facebook official, she will be sure to post, on a daily basis, just how much she loves you, and how it’s the happiest she’s ever been. All while reminding you as often as possible just how scared she is of being hurt, and warning you that she may or may not push you away.
5. She’s going to post passive-aggressive statuses on Facebook about you when you fuck up.
She’s not one to act like an adult and tell you how she’s feeling. Instead, she will share articles that vaguely relate to what’s going on between the two of you. When you ask about it, she’ll quickly dismiss what you say.
6. She will use her astrological sign to explain away her bad behavior.
She’s a Gemini though… so… you know how they are.
7. Like the arch in her eyebrows, her personality and interests are going to change depending on what’s popular on Instagram.
Be prepared. On one hand, it’s annoying trying to keep up. On the other hand, you technically get to date a bunch of different women, but never actually cheat!
8. She’s hard to love.
Don’t worry though, she will let you know that. She wants you to believe that she’s one in a million, but the truth is, there she’s a carbon copy of just about every other self-proclaimed third wave feminist with a Tumblr account.
9. She doesn’t need you.
Except when she needs you to validate her decisions and her feelings, pay for her dinner, listen to her bitch, buy her drinks, and maybe even help with her bills. Other than that though, she doesn’t need shit from you.
10. She’s got a backup guy.
Three months before she started talking to you, she was talking to another guy. While it’s not quite clear if she dated you just to piss this first guy off, it’s a possibility. She will keep in regular contact with this guy and spill her guts to him, telling him every little intimate detail of your relationship. She will also mention him and his friendship a lot. She will throw the term best friend around a lot. Then, when you break up because you’re tired of her shit or she’s just bored, she will immediately jump into a relationship with her “best friend,” posting photos of herself with captions like, “I can’t believe the love of my life was in front of me this whole time and I didn’t even see it.”
Good luck, and God speed. She’s pretty attractive; you’re going to date her anyway.