Overheard at College

Quotes and conversations overheard at college. For all those times you couldn't help but take mental note.
Submit quotes you've overheard here!



"Ugh. That makes me so mad it makes me want to go to the bathroom!"
-A girl walking furiously with a friend, looking behind her (I really wish I knew what she was talking about)



K: I wonder how much she charges for the night.
M: Wow, she could be somebody's mom.
Random guys running past the woman yelling: Hey Mom!!
-After a random middle-aged woman dressed in stilettos and a mini-skirt with overdone makeup and bleach blonde hair walked by

University of Canberra Other


Girl 1: What does he expect us to do; pull money out of asses?
Girl 2: Ha, you mean you can't do that?
Girl 1: No, even though my ass is big and juicy, I can't.
-Overheard on campus



Girl #1: What is HER-bed chicken?
Girl #2: It's HERBED chicken.
Girl #1: So it has herbs on it?
Girl #2: No. No it doesn't.
-Overheard in the dining hall



Student: I'm here to apply for a bartending job.
Bar Owner: Okay, just fill out this application and let me know if you have any questions.
Student: Actually, I was wondering if you guys have health insurance.
Bar Owner: Yes, of course we do. (Hands a box of condoms to the student) There ya go, son.
-On rollover job benefits



Guy Yelling Through Horn: Hey, you guys like your queen size beds?! Oh wait, you don't have any!!
Frank: REAL MEN USE THEIR LUNGS, BITCH!
-On external dorm conflict



Toddler: (Screaming and flapping arms in the middle of a restaurant)
Man: Can't you shut him up?
Mother: Can't you stop a moving train with your bare hands?
-On the impossibility of making an autistic child stop stimming



Susan: I think mom is high.
Holly: What like high on life?
Susan: Yeah, if by life you mean a schedule three narcotic.
-Overheard at a girlfriend's family birthday celebration



Boy (around 12): Can you call the cops from here?
Girl (19, looks concerned): I can call security, is something wrong?
Boy: I just thought they should know that I've got these two guns (flexes arms).
-Overheard at an airbrush tattoo stand

University of Central Missouri Other


"If my nanny don't take me to McDonald's I'm gonna show her the back of my hand so fast."
-Random 10-12ish kid on campus



Mom: Is Derek gay?
Daughter: No, if he were gay why would he be dating Katie Co?!
Mom: Well...Katie Co is gay...
Daughter: Katie Co isn't gay! She's half-gay, AT BEST.
-On getting it straight



"I should start cutting my cocaine with Plan B."
-Random girl at a party, on killing one bird with two stones



Girl 1: Did you see Jake at that party last night? He defines creeper.
Guy 1: Yeah, Jake is such a pile of douche.
Guy 2: Come to the Diag tomorrow, he's going to be in the dunk tank.
Girls 1 and 2: LET'S DROWN HIM.
-On appropriate revenge tactics



"I'm so excited to go shopping on Newbury St. They have a Big & Tall for you, Bob. And a Short & Stumpy for me."
-Random guy, on sizes



"His 'P' has to be near your 'V'..."
-Random Girl, overheard on the phone on campus


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