Dazed and Confused Quotes

Random Guy: What are you two doing?
Chris: Making noodles.
Drie: Supervising.
Random Guy: Um, if you're supervising, than why are you letting him stick his hand into boiling water?
Drie: I don't know...I didn't say I was supervising HIM, I'm supervising the noodles.
-Drunk and making food

Molly: I just saw the Dean Cain meter-man on my way over to the Taqueria!
Bobbie: Jump him! OFFER HIM A TACO!!!
Molly: Hahahaha! Which one?
-On tough calls

Colton: So just keep calling me until you're sure that I'm awake.
Molly: Will do.
Colton: What should our password be, "Star Jones"?
Molly: Why do we need a password if I'm calling you?
Colton: Oh yeah, I guess you're right.
-Trying to make plans for the following morning

Cherri: I'd like you to surprise me more often. I like surprises...as long as they're good. Not the "Hey, I've got Syphilis" kind, the "Hey, I've got chocolate" kind.
Anne: What are you saying?
Cherri: Bring more chocolate.
Anne: What if I have to sell my clothes to buy more chocolate?
Cherri: ...Did I leave out the "no clothes" part?
-On pleasant surprises

Jes: I'm checking Myspace.
Jes's Grandpa: Your space?
Jes: No, MySpace.
Jes's Grandpa: That's what I said, your space.
Jes: God damn it, Grandpa...
-On generation gaps

Nikki: You should get the flaming pink laptop.
Brittania: It's FLAMINGO pink, not flaming pink.
Nikki: Oh geez that's good, I was thinking wow, that's pretty offensive...
-Still gay though

Doug: Fuck off you son of a whore!
Nate: Your momma!
Doug: YOUR momma!
Nick: I feel it fair to ask, if you guys are brothers, do the "Your momma" insults still count?
-On relative intelligence

Andrea (on the phone): Hey, where the hell are you? Molly and I are waiting.
Matt: I'll be there in three shakes of a Persian kitten's whiskers.
Andrea: ...I don't...okay, whatever. Hurry up. See you...soon.
-On lamb's tail alternates

Davis: I mean I was never in Vietnam, but I've read books and seen the movies and I tell you what, those Asian guys are really sneaky.
Brett: What does that have to do with anything?
Davis: I don't know.
-23 years of life and that's what you have to show for it?

Jen: Wow it just got really dark in here...
Kasey: Yeah they turn down the lights and turn up the music to "enhance the dining experience" or whatever.
Jen: Well right now it's more like the Hellen Keller dining experience, I can't see my margarita or hear you!
-On tunnel taste

Coldstone Girl: Waffle cone or bowl? Excuse me! Waffle cone or bowl?
Chris: Umm what? Oh... no regular bowl please. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.
Coldstone Girl : It's okay, sometimes I cry at night.
-On stressful jobs

Frank: Matt, won't it be awesome if beer and blowjobs were currency?
Matt: No Frank 'cause if you're buying stuff from a guy, you'll have to give away beer or give him a blowjob.
Frank: Oh, you're right. I was only thinking about hot chicks buying stuff from me.
-On the glass half full

Kelli: It's so hard to walk behind you right now 'cause it smells so good!
Sandra: Wow...if I wasn't carrying steak right now I'd be really creeped out.
-On wafting stenches

Jen: So how was the drive from DC?
Fritz: I hate the state of Ohio, no ez pass on the turnpike, and it's straight, the road never curves. The only redeeming qualities are nice rest stops and Cedar Point.
Jen: I know Ohio makes you want to slit your wrists, that state needs to go on a diet. It's just gotten to the point of redonklous.
-On cures for the Midwest

Amanda's Mom: You know, religion never hurt anyone.
Amanda: Yeah? Well tell that to the people burned at the stake.
-Take that, Mom