Monday, March 31

"So umm, who digs the potholes?"
-Boram, on road problems (seriously though, who gave her a license)
University of Toledo

"Oh my God! If ignorance is bliss, your life must be a fucking orgasm!"
-J.C., to the dumb girl he was no longer trying to pick up
University of Northern Iowa

'I've come to the conclusion that, on occasion, I have a drinking problem."
-Ashley, on the first step to recovery
Southern Methodist University

"Well if they would serve beer at Burger King you might have had your tests graded sooner."
-Professor Lyons-Barrett, on forty ounces of more than just courage
University of Nebraska, Omaha

"When did we get to a point in our lives where we have to wonder whether the guys we are dating have ex-wives?"
-Courtney, on post-graduation milestones
Morehead State University

Anna: Don't touch me.
Christian: I thought that was my foot.
Anna: Christian!
Christian: Oh, I guess that's not my vagina either.
-On honest mistakes
Regis University

"Whoa, 'rent' is the last part of PA-RENT! Now that makes so much more sense."
-Meg, on realization coming a few years too late
University of Toledo

Tanya: I washed my blankets!
Courtney: Yay!
Tanya: They don't smell like anger and shame anymore!
-On that lingering stench
San Joaquin Delta College

Friday, March 28

Courtney: So Tanya went into this sex shop today, and she was telling me about this dildo called "THE CHALLENGE." I kid you not, she said that it was black, two feet long and as wide as a large can of green beans.
Crystal: Holy shit!!! Green beans come in a can?!?!
-On truly shocking information
California State University Long Beach

Jess's Mom: Wait, what's "wake and bake"?
Jess: It's when you smoke pot first thing in the morning, Mom.
Jess's Mom: Ohh! Well that's a cute name!
-420 finally gets approval from the 'rents
Cornell College

Guy 1: Hey dude, what's up?
Guy 2: I hate you. That's what's up. Do you remember the party on Wednesday?
Guy 1: What about it?
Guy 2: You humped my costume off!
Guy 1: I... I... don't...
Guy 2: I was the flaming witch!
-Overheard at a school salad bar line
College of Wooster

Professor Santana: We're out of time already?
Vanessa: It's because you talk about pornography too much.
Professor Santana: I've only mentioned porn twice today!
-Why nothing ever gets done in writing class
Rochester Institute of Technology

"My roommate has had an erection for four days. He keeps moving his bed closer to mine. Time to start sleeping outside."
-Josh, on prevention
Austin Peay State University

Professor Santana: You're all photography majors.
Girl 1: But you don't know what type of photography majors we are...
Professor Santana: Not that it matters, but okay, what are you?
Girl 1: I'm advertising.
Girl 2: I'm advertising, too, what are you?
Girl 3: I am, too.
Girl 4 & Guy 1: So are we.
Girl 1: Goddamn it.
-Proving to the photo majors that it really doesn't matter
Rochester Institute of Technology

Thursday, March 27

"This is not working out like I thought it would. I came here to get my CDs out of your car and now I don't have my pants on."
-Justin, leaving the rest to the imagination
Union University

"Roommate! I forgot to tell you! When I was driving home today a rock flew up from the freeway, into my window and hit me in the face!!!"
-Gen, sharing another near-death experience (I just like the idea of addressing your roommate as "Roommate")
Ohio State University

"Um, I think she's at class."
-Tayler, offering her best cover explanation for where her roommate was at 3am on Saturday when the boyfriend called
SUNY Geneseo

Byron: You guys are so gay.
Mocha: What...the gayest thing we did last night was slap each other's asses.
Fletch: Naked.
-After a little late night streaking during a power outage
University of Georgia

"So Socrates was killed for corrupting the youth, which I am paid to do every day of the week. Do you people feel dirty when you leave my class? Don't answer that."
-Professor B, scared of the test
Union University

Jes: That was more than a tragedy. That was a "bad drunken decision at 3am" of epic proportions.
Skye: Oh yes.
Jes: That's one of those times you wake up screaming the next morning and hoping it was all just a horrible bad dream and try to ignore that itchy feeling on your scrotum.
-Ah yes, ignorance is bliss
Tarrant County College

Tanya: My dad says he'll sell you his truck for $3500.
Chance: Tell him cut it in half and I'll promise him grandkids.
Tanya: He already has grandkids.
Chance: Damn.
-Looking to make a hell of a deal with the girlfriend's dad
SIAST Palliser

Ash: Ugh. I have to finish this fucking project.
Linds: If it makes you feel better, I'm currently peeling the dead skin off my feet with a scalpel.
Ash: You're a fucking winner.
-Diffrn't strokes for diffrn't folks
Southern Methodist University