Wages are stagnant but the price of Fancy Feast “Flaked Fish & Shrimp Feast Flavor” has risen consistently alongside three decades of inflation. She has been forcibly switched to “Classic Flavor.”
The neighbors have nicer furniture, clothes, and television. At least from what she could see while staring out the window for hours.
Unlike her parents and grandparents, your cat fears that her children won’t have access to tiny mouse toys. The old one rolled under the couch and has not been replaced.
Despite her prompt monthly payments, hairballs do not even cover the interest on your student loan debt.
Surging real estate prices, debt, and the absence of affordable housing loans for this generation means that your cat will never own the house she randomly runs from one end of to the other.
A dog came in through the pet flap, was adopted, and is receiving belly rubs. Your cat claims that the dog is taking her belly rubs, even though she admits she doesn’t particularly want them, much like a seasonal job in agriculture.
Your cat didn’t get a haircut this year because it’s expensive and summer ends eventually.
Rising rent prices have forcefully evicted your cat from her favorite lounging room with the sunny spot. It has been converted to an Airbnb.
Your cat wants the best odorless micro crystals to track into the kitchen, not whatever low-class sawdust you’re using as litter.
You’re always freelancing from home, which means she has to watch you and dart away when you notice. So there goes her whole day.
Even though it’s easy to get onto, your cat knows that an adult mattress shouldn’t just be on the floor.
You haven’t ordered anything large from Amazon in a while and the box that’s also her house is broken.
Your cat likes to party as much as the next funky feline, but it’s weird lapping water from that shot glass with your college logo on it.
In 2025, the US will have 11 million unfilled jobs requiring a STEM education but your cat doesn’t understand python, Java, or HTML and can only type “adflkajhagh.”
The advent of gravity blankets threatens to automate lap-sitting.
Your cat believes in the myth of the “Welfare Queen,” a German Shepherd in Chicago that used “80 names, 30 addresses, and 15 telephone numbers” to get all the tax-free kibbles she wanted.
The average feline lifespan of 15 to 20 years is nowhere near long enough to reap any benefits from your 401K, especially given the many hidden administrative fees.
Your cat understands the importance of establishing a strong professional network early. When you can’t find her, she’s probably having coffee and tuna with a potential mentor.
All of your cat’s friends have elegant names, like Madam Cuddles, Sir Fluffy, or Priscilla. Your cat’s name is Susan.
The erosion of labor unions has led to harsher workplace conditions, longer hours, and a crackdown on bringing laser pointers and crumpled up scrap paper home.
Your cat thinks a hypothetical offer from Cruella DeVille would be tempting at least.
Lack of access to a comprehensive health and benefits package means that you can’t even take a day off work for a common case of ringworm.
You can’t afford catnip, which isn’t a necessity but just takes the edge off in these stressful times.
Your cat worries that you’ve gone too far into grad school without a specialty or plan. Your cat has a plan: She is going to stare at you and dart off when you see her. Every day. Until one of you dies.
Though your cat claims she doesn’t recognize your home due to demographic shifts, it’s clear she is just prejudiced against dogs.
Because you don’t have disposable income for gifts, your cat has to explain to her litter of kittens that, this year, they won’t be getting a visit from Santa Claws.