Life is Harder for Men

>>> Primal Urges
By staff writer Nathan DeGraaf
April 26, 2006

Nathan: So what did you do today while I was at work?
I lounged by the pool and I watched TV and I played video games.
Rough life.
We should go out to dinner.

I love it when readers give me suggestions for column topics because it means that I don’t have to think that much. I’m not very good at anything that requires intelligence, so avoiding thinking is a major part of what I do with my spare time (while drinking). In response to my column two weeks ago, a reader by the name of Melody told me that she thinks that life is easier for men, and that I should write a column illustrating how life is not easier for men than it is for women.

Now, I’ve never met Melody and I don’t know her from Eve, but I’m still taking her suggestion because (and this is important) she saved me the pain and suffering of having to come up with my own column topic. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is priceless. Anyway, enough foreplay. Get out your knives and forks, and dig into the meat and potatoes of this Melody-inspired literary dish. You may thank her later; I’ll do it now. Thanks, Melody.

"If I could get a dime with my body or my tears, I would. But no. I’m a guy so I have to use my brains."

Only one aspect of life is harder for you women: the physical. Yes, you are weaker and are often raped and beaten as a result. Yes, you go through periods every month. Yes, you are more hormonal than men. And yes, I am tired of hearing you bitch about this. Girls, seriously, we get it. You bleed every month. We know because you make a huge deal out of it, and we have to hear about it over and over again. I’m sorry God did that to you, but seriously, your physical makeup aside, you have life much easier than men. Don’t believe me? Check out this list.

Men Must Work

Part of being a man is growing up with the knowledge that you will have to work your whole life. As a man, we know that no matter what, the world will require us to make money and provide for others. This is responsibility. This is pressure. This, in short, is a fucking bitch. Now, it is true that many women do work and that some of them even have to work because of fiscal situations or whatever, but the bottom line is that for most women, working is a choice. In this regard, women have options; men have responsibility. Or, as my girlfriend says, “You should buy me more stuff.”

Your Orgasms Kick Ass

This one really pisses me off. I’ve seen women have orgasms that leave them slack jawed and drooling, grinning from ear to ear, and making noises that sound like a cross between a cat purring and a baby cooing. They have orgasms that last longer than an episode of Seinfeld. What do we get? About five seconds of release. I’d cut off my hand for the ability to have a female orgasm. And you think I’m kidding.

I ain’t kidding.

You Can Have Kids

I love my mom. I’d do about anything for her. We have a bond. My dad? I mean he’s great and all, and I also love him, but if a mysterious force made me choose between parents, there’s no way that the guy who taught me how to play pool and drink beer would take precedence over the woman who nurtured me. In most cases, children bond with their mothers and get beat up by their fathers. And I tell you, I’m really looking forward to having a kid who doesn’t listen to me and treats me like an ATM. It’ll be kind of like having a girlfriend. Only without the sex.

You Can Manipulate the Opposite Sex

You know how many speeding tickets I’ve gotten out of because I cried? That’s right. Zero. You know how many times I got great grades for sexually satisfying a teacher. That’s right, three times. But she was really hot and I probably would have gotten an A without her help. Anyway, my point is that chicks can get whatever they want (pretty much) just by being hot and showing their bodies or by crying. If I could get a dime with my body or my tears, I would. But no. I’m a guy so I have to use my brains. Which basically screws me because I’m stupid.

Women get to have children, experience Technicolor orgasms, avoid a life of working, and use their bodies to get pretty much whatever they want from stupid men. Yes, physically they have it tougher than men for the most part, but in almost every other respect of life, they have it easier. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go back to work.

More from PIC:

Hell yes!!

You forgot to mention how, if a draft is ever reinstated, women (most likely) won't be a part of it...and even if we are, we can just get knocked up. Yeah. Good stuff.

Ok. My turn. Stop buying your girlfriend things. Make that bitch buy her own stuff. As for the orgasms, yes they are great and all, but it takes alot to work us up to that point so I'd rather have the quickie with Mr Lefty and get it over with. That bonding thing with children is not what it's cracked up to be. Ok on the manipulation issue, key word you said, being hot, that I am not & so are about 75% of the women out there. I tried to cry my way out of a speeding ticket. The cop laughed @ me. Thank god he loved my pick up truck he let me go with a warning. So with that said. I liked the article but the next time you need a topic just ask.

Mr. April (ask Eric)

The quickie with mr. Lefty just makes us want sex. Masturbation is only a cure balls or a tension relief between getting some half-assed sex with our frigid wives/girlfriends.

I also have to admit, girls do have it a bit easier. I have gotten out of one or two speeding ticket, but I believe that women are actually more easily manipulated than men. Think about it, a man can manipulate a woman into prostitution, can keep her in a highly abusive relationship, or can coerce her out of her virginity. How does he do this? Either threatening to break up with her or saying "I love you." Sure, a woman can sometimes get out of a speeding ticket, but how many men do you know stay in a verbally abusive relationship? How many (straight men) are coerced into prostitution? Not many.

Yeah, what she said.
P.S. Who the fuck is Eric?

I smell another "to do list" feedback forum coming Nate.... Bold move on your part.... :)

Nope, Ashley. It looks like people have (finally) stopped taking me too seriously.

Huu Haa!!

I'm afraid I have to agree with April on this one. Guaranteed good orgasm EVERY FRIGGIN' TIME with minimal effort or a mind blower every once in awhile? That guarantee sounds mighty tempting.
But I do believe that men have it very hard in making the female orgasm happen. At the last Margarita Night, three girls compared orgasms and this is what we discovered: Girl 1 only cums through penetration, Girl 2 through oral or if she's on top, Girl 3 only through oral. How the hell is a guy supposed to figure that shit out without a diagram? Perhaps we women should start wearing dog tags with that pertinent information on it.

fucken A, nate

Good Job nate you found something for girls to bitch at thus making your life a bit harder.

i think to understand women more we should watch sex in the city, its such a damn girl show but ive learned a few things on how women work.

You forgot to mention that it only takes 2 drinks before most women are drunk. It takes me 5 drinks before I feel anything!

That's because you practice too much grandpa Tom. Or you're fucking huge.

Hey Nate heres an idea for you. Write an article about a picture I saw. Court is passed out on the pavement with a puddle next to his leg while you play a homeless man's harmonica from god knows where as a street peddler strums along on his guitar. That was honestly one of the funniest pictures I have ever seen! You gotta at least tell me how those actions came to pass.

Ramon, I would love to, but that picture was taken by my friend Ashley while Court and I were drunk as fuck. I have no memory of what happened there. Ashley told me that I stopped, asked the bum if he had a harmonica and started playing; Court then wandered half way into the street, began looking for a place to sit down, and then thought, "fuck it, I'm taking a nap", at which point Ashley decided to snap a pic. And well, that's all I got.

and honestly, that's more than I remember too.

i think i'd really like to see that picture...sounds like fun was had by all.

I like juggs' idea. Girls should wear dog tags. They should include what gets them off, what pisses them off and...oh yeah! whether or not they have a boy friend. that way i can stop dodging random dudes I didn't know about until after the fact. That along with any other relevant info would be great.

There's more relevant info?

JamesTheGirl, you can find that pic in <a href="">Nate's blog</a>. It's at the top of "The Snippets Drink Too Much" post.

Sorry juggs, I figured being slightly intoxicated I might have left something out, just covering my ass. I guess those three things would pretty much cover it...unless the dog tag disclosed any plastic surgery the girl has had done. At least then you won't have the unpleasant surprise of feeling a girl up on a cold day only to find her breats are cold as ice (and as hard as it to). I'm sure there might be more, but I can't think right now. It'll probably come to me when the weekend's over.

Very interesting. All are salient points but a few issues need to be addressed.. there is nothing gratifying or pleasant about being the sex that gets to 'manipulate' using sexuality. In fact, this is a problem for women who legitimately want to prove themselves (either as employees, students, academics, etc...). Men get to actually DO this without having their appearance regarded.

[2] however, is dubious.. the only reason men are looked at as 'bank accounts' IS because they've always been forced to work and are typically regarded as 'providers.' This isn't men's fault but society's. We need to re-work our essentialist notions (i.e. women as caregivers, men as providers). Such notions are not actually inherent; there's nothing objectively valid about them. Men and women grow up in a society that--no matter how much it tries--cannot rid itself of certain gender stereotypes and also cannot help but perpetuate these at every corner and stage of life. As a result, men are--if you will--thrust into the role of providers. Ironically, ask most men and most women what they want and you'll see that they would gladly trade off some of their role to experience the other's!

All things considered, I found this article very informing. That our orgasms are better.. well, I think there just isn't anything one can do about that (except maybe tantric sex, which is supposed to lengthen both the male and female orgasms).