The Sasquatchelor

Losers from previous seasons of The Bachelor are stranded in the wilds of Oregon and tasked with finding love, as well as Bigfoot. Possibly to be spun off into yet another show, “The Bacheloryeti.”

Bachelor in a Free Clinic Waiting Room

Most contestants on the various Bachelor shows find that they’ve contacted at least an STD or two during their time with us. Can they possibly meet that one special someone while waiting for a check-up and refill of their genital wart cream? Sure, why not?

The Butchelor

Don’t worry, not a lesbian dating program. We’re not nearly that crass. Well, okay, we are… but the ABC PR department has cautioned us to steer clear of that one. No, this one has lovely young ladies vying for the affection of former Eddie Munster, Butch Patrick. This one is pretty much a test to see if you folks will really watch anything that we slap The Bachelor name on.

The BayWatchelor

We’re not really sure what this is yet. But Baywatch was a huge show, and so is The Bachelor, so… I dunno, we’ll figure it out.

Baywatch in Space

When the season is over, we typically just take the leftover contestants behind the studio and shoot them. But with all of this gun backlash, we decided to instead just blast them into space. And hey, why not include a live feed on the ship? Probably get some fun, idiotic arguments until they run out of oxygen.

The BacheLarp

Introduces typical Bachelor contestants to the world of Larp, or Live Action Role Playing. Rather than medieval or sci-fi themes, these Bachelor contestants will attempt to pretend they are thoughtful, bright, and interested in other people beyond simple surface beauty. They all fail horribly, but it’s still kind of fun to watch.

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The Bratchelor

Each of the contestants decides that, rather than continue to deal with The Bachelor and his tedious mind games, they’ll instead run a warm bubble batch and spend some time with a nice, thick, bratwurst sausage.

The Bachelor in Hell

This seemed like a good idea, but ultimately was too similar to the regular, original version of The Bachelor. Who knew that most of the people selected to be on The Bachelor had no souls to begin with? (Okay, okay… we knew.)

Alien vs. Predator vs. The Bachelor

A terrifying, titanic clash of titans! Will the predatory contestants of The Bachelor possess the slimy skills needed to out-predator The Predator? And will the Alien queen be able to successfully plant her eggs within the innards of the contestants, or will they simply have them hastily aborted? Edge of your seat thrills, this one may be too close to call!

Celebrity Bachelor

(We’re hanging on to this one to see how things pan out; fingers crossed.) Newly released-into-the-wild Bachelor Harvey Weinstein has his pick of fellow prison inmates, but who will he choose? Will he even have a choice? Our guess would be that everyone wins, and they simply take turns.

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