I Appoint You, Nephew Bryce, as Successor in Our Family’s Line of Crazy Uncles
This family has a rich history of Crazy Uncles ruining Thanksgiving. A tradition that you are now responsible for.
Tag: Thanksgiving
I’m a Gourmet Pepper Mill Who Doesn’t Belong at This Thanksgiving Dinner
What’s that they’re talking about now? "Where’s Aunt June’s fun dip?” The fuck is fun dip? Christ in heaven, this is Thanksgiving!
The Only Thanksgiving Topic We Can’t Discuss: The Cornucopia Grapes
Nothing good will come from yelling about whether there’s a glue spot on the plastic pear that indicates where a neighboring bunch of muscats should be adhered.
In Defense of Drinking Gravy
Thanksgiving is one of the few days that I can gather with my family, eat a huge plate of delicious food, and pound back six or seven glasses of gravy.
The People Who Will Beat You in the Thanksgiving Half Marathon for Which You’ve Trained for Months
- A nine-year-old who will be upset later that there’s no gravy for his potato volcano
Classic Thanksgiving-Eve Holiday Movies
"It’s a Wonderful Life When Compared to Everyone Else at This Bar" - George Bailey's guardian angel offers perspective.
Positive Self-Affirmations Mumbled by the Pillsbury Doughboy at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
My dead eyes do not say, “Someone help me! Management won’t let me retire!”
Passive-Aggressive Comments from My Family on Thanksgiving Bingo
"So, how’s that so-called ‘job’ of yours going?"
I Can’t Believe It’s Already October, Despite Time Being a Fixed Human Construct
It absolutely snuck up on me, even though I’m 32 years old and have lived in the tri-state area my entire life.
Nobody’s Ever Thankful for Me, the Folding Chair from the Spare Room Closet
I’ve seen more get-togethers than Uncle Harold, may he rest in peace. He sat his ample frame on me dozens of times. His bum was one of the good ones.
Global Supply Chain Issues Have Not Spared This Year’s Thanksgiving Menu
Apple pie is still on! Flour is in high demand and low availability, so we will have to make do with some sort of potato-based crust.
LSAT Logic Problems for Every American’s Thanksgiving
Uncle Roger and cousin Lucy disagree about whether: A. JFK Jr. came back to life and is living in cousin Lucy’s shed. B. The war on Christmas starts the day after Thanksgiving.