Oh, is turkey a Thanksgiving item too? I guess I never really noticed, until now. Sure, maybe just go ahead and don’t make that one either.
For a fun coordinated touch, make sure that you’ve got a few hollowed-out pumpkins for your guests to vomit into if they indulge in too many.
Our ailing bodies fall from the sky into your front yard and all you can muster is an idle comment about the beauty of our chlorophyll jaundice.
“What’s the deal with @Massasoit contradicting himself everytime he mentions me in a tweet or talks to the press?”
Can I just say that this is hands down (speaking of hands, I’ve got two of ‘em) my favorite Thanksgiving to date?
Yum, I hope that unfiltered tap water and internalized judgement from your mother tastes great!
You made it: to Southern Iowa, in an auction hall with chewing tobacco at each table, 25 second cousins running around in their cowboy boots.
Give a TED talk to my family titled "The Evolution of My Personal Blogs," except every time I would usually say “blog” I have to say “blerg.”
You are Cordially Invited to This Year’s Thanksgiving, Which My Son Will Be Filming to Expose the Sham of the Modern Family
To symbolize the risks one takes when they pledge loyalty based only on shared blood, one small razor blade will be hidden in the macaroni scramble.
Your mom; Dude you haven't seen since elementary school---didn’t he go to jail?; Memorial account for your deceased friend.
Hal's Review: "About 13,000 people died there in the early 1900s, but you could hardly tell!"
A phoneless participant will be quizzed about Buffy. If they get an answer wrong, another participant will be instructed to send a text to an ex.