As soon as you hear the first political remark that makes everyone clench their silverware, go ahead and loudly ask someone to "PASS THE SCRAMBLED EGGS."
Screams from oven heard: "I can still feel my toes! Turn it up to 900, you bitch! Come, sweet release of hellfire!"
Your job this year is to ruin Thanksgiving for everybody. Here are three simple steps to accomplish that: complain, criticize, and be aloof.
Face it, what is Thanksgiving without the ritual night-before Wild Turkey blackout, chafed thighs following turkey overindulgence, and terrible children's artwork.
If you're in the same sinking ship I like to call the "S.S. Thanksgiving Return," then here are the five stages you'll probably endure on your way to the gravy boat.
Unfortunately, you can't microwave a turkey. It just won't fit! So here are your options for preparing the most important piece of your holiday puzzle.
From Betsy Haynes, critically acclaimed author of a bunch of dumb shit my girlfriend reads, comes this chilling thrill ride masterpiece of absolute crap from the year of our lord, 1994.
Four, short Thanksgiving comedy pieces from the PIC Staff on the spirit of giving by taking, a 9-year-old's account of Thanksgiving projectile vomiting, an American Thanksgiving in Canada, and fun facts on turkeys and Pilgrims.
There's a lot to be thankful for on Turkey Day. Not the least of which includes the George Foreman Grill, local pubs, and foreign accents.