A Few Thoughts About That Video You Recorded After My Root Canal
I will be sure to keep you updated on all the social metrics. I still care about you, and the kids (our kids), and our social media numbers.
Tag: Thanksgiving
I Resent the Placenta in My Freezer
I like the idea of burying it next to a tree. But since we can’t even keep the racoons and possums out of the compost bin, that’s not happening.
I Won’t Eat Caribou Unless It’s Slaughtered By at Least a Somewhat Automatic Weapon
Have you ever tried venison that was tactfully killed using a manual-load weapon and just a few bullets to the torso? It's fucking disgusting.
A Zen Guide to Surviving a Red State Thanksgiving
Going home for the holidays is never easy, especially when your relatives start talking about politics. Here's some advice to help you through this Thanksgiving.
3 Practical Ways to Shut Down a Political Argument During Thanksgiving Dinner
As soon as you hear the first political remark that makes everyone clench their silverware, go ahead and loudly ask someone to "PASS THE SCRAMBLED EGGS."
14 Signs Your Thanksgiving Turkey Should Seek Professional Help
Screams from oven heard: "I can still feel my toes! Turn it up to 900, you bitch! Come, sweet release of hellfire!"
Your 3-Step Recipe for Ruining Thanksgiving
Your job this year is to ruin Thanksgiving for everybody. Here are three simple steps to accomplish that: complain, criticize, and be aloof.
5 Thanksgiving Traditions You Can’t Avoid
Face it, what is Thanksgiving without the ritual night-before Wild Turkey blackout, chafed thighs following turkey overindulgence, and terrible children's artwork.
The 5 Stages of Going Home for Thanksgiving
If you're in the same sinking ship I like to call the "S.S. Thanksgiving Return," then here are the five stages you'll probably endure on your way to the gravy boat.
Frankenturkey: A Thanksgiving Book Report
From Betsy Haynes, critically acclaimed author of a bunch of dumb shit my girlfriend reads, comes this chilling thrill ride masterpiece of absolute crap from the year of our lord, 1994.