Meet the Harlem Globetrotters of Redacted Documents!
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Tag: Sports
My Sports Analogies Are Much More Sophisticated than You Think, You Losers
Allison in HR gave me the full-court press and explained that some of you think my sports analogies are creating a toxic workplace.
With a Cursory Knowledge of 3D Animation and a Controlled Dose of a Psychoactive Substance, I’m the Man for Your Bowling Alley Score Screen Needs
You are entropy incarnate. Which is captured much more accurately by this clip of a frog with long, sexy lady legs that burps up the word "Strike."
This Moving Half-Time Speech Failed to Inspire a High School Football Team Just Because They Saw Their Coach Kick a Dog Through the Goalpost Before the Game
First off, I didn’t know anybody was watching. And never in a million years would I have guessed that the penalty would be the loss of one hundred points for our team.
After Yet Another Workplace Accident, NASA Is Banning the Following Basketball Moves
Projections show that if the current situation is allowed to continue without intervention, the vibes at NASA could reach weird levels.
A Eulogy for Tom Brady (1977-2296)
When Tom first started playing, there were no 5th downs or 100-yard field goals. And every game took place on Earth, where gravity was a huge factor.
Broadcast of a Baseball Game Between Dads Checking on a Sound in the Middle of the Night with Baseball Bats and Louisville Slugger Factory Workers Who Test Bats for Quality Assurance
The dads effectively hit everything except the ball causing a lot of property damage while the factory workers could not settle on a bat.
16 Phrases to Avoid to Mask That You Don’t Understand Soccer
“Nobody ever scores.” Dozens of goals have been scored in Soccer, the last of which was in 2006.
How to Protect Your Stadiums from the Swarm of Sports Fans Emerging after 16 Months
Badly behaving sports fans (A.K.A. “Brood W”) have exploded in population due to their inability to behave in public after their long hibernation.
Simon Says for Games of the XXXII Olympiad
Simon says put your hands on your hips if you didn’t realize this year’s summer games were not actually called the 2021 Olympics.
Devin’s Ping-Pong Club Weekly Newsletter No. 23: Addressing Last Week’s Issues
If you are caught engaging in coitus during a club meeting, the excuse “but I was just pinging her pong” is far from adequate.
10 Ways My New Relationship Is Nothing Like the Ryan Lochte Gas Station Scandal of the 2016 Rio De Janeiro Olympics
I’ve never lied about being robbed at gunpoint to avoid admitting to pissing in some bushes outside of a western Rio de Janeiro gas station.