It might take some sumo training in giant diapers and dirty ball-kicking tricks, but the battle to become UFC Champion is well worth it.
<a href="https://www.pointsincase.com/nathan/uploaded_images/football-721733.gif"><img style="float:right;cursor:hand;margin:0 0 10px 10px;" alt="" src="https://www.pointsincase.com/nathan/uploaded_images/football-714043.gif" border="0" /></a>This week, in the interest of learning how many steak dinners I can purchase for my bookie’s baby momma (should that be hyphenated? When the hell is P Diddy gonna come out with an Ebonics dictionary? If Kanye west got in on the project, they could do it in a week. Seriously guys, help out a paleface. I’m masturbating with gloves on here. Throw me a bone), I am making three picks at $50 apiece. Home teams in capital letters.<br /><br /><strong>GIANTS (-2.5) over Broncos</strong><br />Okay, this is why I love America. Though it is true that the Giants barely covered against the (surprisingly) well-coached Cowboys and that the Broncos rolled over the Patriots (roughly 5,281 feet above sea level), I am still of the opinion that the Manning-led Giants are not getting enough respect. At home against Shanahan’s stupidity, the Giants should at least give the obligatory 3 points. I’m taking the favorite.<br /><br /><strong>Steelers (+1) over BENGALS</strong><br />As someone who’s having a hard time adapting to this whole successful Bengals team, I have to say that this spread is the crock of all crocks. I mean, look, I’m willing to admit that Carson Palmer is good. I’m willing to admit that the Bengals have a legitimate shot at going to the Super Bowl. I think Bill Cowher is a moron. All signs point to a Bengals victory, which would lead me to pick the Bengals easily if Vegas had decided to favor them by 3 points, or even 7 points, but instead they gave them one stinking point. You see, even Vegas has no faith in the Bengals (and they’re at home). This cannot be a slam dunk, so it follows then that I take the underdog. So that’s what I’m doing.<br /><br /><strong>BROWNS (-2.5) over Lions<br /></strong>Originally, I wasn’t gonna take this one. It really doesn’t make much sense to me. I could see the Lions really stunning the Browns here. The Lions strike me as one frustrated, pissed off team, ready to explode at any moment. I was not walking, I was running away from this pick, and then Tony, my gambling partner, told me that if I made this pick and lost, he would buy me a 12 pack of Yuengling. Aw, hell.<br /><br />Total Record 6 – 5<br /><br />Total Earnings: $47
Or is it? You have to admit, with players named Coco Crisp, and league suspensions for things like milk-chugging contests, the MLB is hot.
It's the South's race against futility, but unfortunately, these drivers are going nowhere fast. At least they're not pulling their mobile homes.
Synchronized swimming and shotput? Please, spare us. Positive drug test relay and terrorism bingo? That's more like it.
Julius Erving: model husband and basketball hall-of-famer? Or raunchy, sex-crazed retiree desperately clinging to an image of vitality?