Obits for the Unused Produce in My Kitchen
We mourn the loss of Avocado, survived by literally everything else in the kitchen.
Tag: Satire
It’s Me, Scrub Daddy, America’s Favorite Sponge! Please Stop Using My Mouth to Clean Your Dishes
The hole for my mouth is pretty much only there for novelty reasons. No matter how hard you push, none of your cups or plates will ever fit.
I’m the New York City Marathon, and We Need to Set Some Boundaries
This is progressing faster than I can manage—remember, I’m a marathon, not a sprint.
Memo from the Castle’s HR Department in Response to the Monster Mash
We may be a lab in a haunted castle, but we still have rules.
I Better Not Let My Emotions Get in the Way While Transporting This Ruthless Killer That I Have Personal Connections with on Halloween Night
You can provoke me all you want but I'm not going to do anything irrational. Except remove your handcuffs in a parking lot.
The Recent Painting Vandalisms Are a Cheap Imitation of My Performance at My Daughter’s School Art Fair
I knew blanketing a third-grade class’s first art exhibition with cans of pasta would be controversial, but that’s why I did it
It’s So Hard to Break Out with an Independent Podcast That’s Just 45 Minutes of Dolphin Noises These Days
How can an outsider podcast hope to find an audience for its maritime squeaks, squawks, and screeches in such a crowded industry?
So Sorry for Your Loss, Here’s a GIF of Michael Scott from “The Office”
I have trouble putting something as heavy as this into words, so I’ll send my sympathies in the best way I know how.
I’m Done with Personal Growth
The journey has been fun, and there were certainly some parts I liked. Reading was cool.
This Halloween, Save Money by Dressing Up as Binglejuice, Everyone’s Favorite Mischievous Ghoul!
You won't find a better price on a Halloween costume than this non-trademarked and fair use character!
Prometheus Thinks You’re Going a Little Overboard with Fire
Fire's just supposed to be a pretty thing you look at sometimes. Like a lava lamp, but it can kill you.
I Created the Flavor Profiles for This Craft Coffee Roastery, and I Definitely Didn’t Make Them All Up
I definitely didn't come up with the flavor profile for this roast after I bought Starburst at a Hudson News in the SeaTac Airport.