Hold My Calls, I Have a Crush
Immediately reschedule the client-by-client reviews; I like him so much I’m gonna throw up.
Tag: Satire
We Are Mad Method Men, the Only Advertising Agency Made up Entirely of Trained Method Actors
Covering every inch of skin our body in Flamin' Hot® Cheeto dust, or wearing big red bows and humming like a Chrysler on a snowy road.
Apologies, but We Stopped Truman Showing You Because Your Life Was Simply Too Boring
We cast Keri Russell as your girlfriend, a fact that you didn't notice as you "haven’t had a TV since they stopped carrying The Weather Channel."
I Consider This Jury My Friends
I will not condemn this man to death until this jury promises to come see my band this weekend.
I Got into Law So I Could Make Up a Nickname and Put It on Billboards
As a child, I looked up at those billboards and marveled at their power. Could you just choose a nickname?
Thanks for Babysitting, We’re So Sorry
You’re very welcome to watch a movie, but little Olivia has chewed the arrow buttons off the remote so it will have to be the Paw Patrol movie.
Let’s Not Make Fun of the Guy Playing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” on the Jukebox, He’s Probably Going through a Lot
Maybe he needs to hear it very badly for whatever marriage-related problems he’s going through. If I had to guess, of course.
The Book of Genesis, If God Was Creating a Party
And God said, “Let there be great music so none of them talk to each other,” and there was a DJ who worked in finance but DJed on the side.
Finally, Some Representation for Virgins in Politics!
He’ll make sure every American has access to basic libido killers, like subscriptions to the Criterion Channel and graphic tees that say “Mommy’s Little Gamer.”
Yes, I’m Superman, but I’d Rather Talk About My New Jazz Album
I may be able to melt steel with my laser vision, but I can also melt faces with my dazzling clarinet solos.
Actor Bios for Your Town’s Fourth Production of “Shrek: The Musical”
I keep trying to bring up how none of us know our new lines or fit into our new costumes, but Duncan just keeps shouting, “That’s showbiz, baby.”
When You Shop My Balloon Bouquet Small Business Where I Blow Every Single Balloon by Mouth, You’re Supporting Real People
All mouth-blown, no helium balloon pumps allowed! And when I say “we,” I really mean just me.