I’m 90% Sure the Blood Bank’s New Email Marketer Is Dracula
FALL Under The Spell Of The New York Blood Center’s Impending Autumn Drive. Ah-Ah-AH!
Tag: Satire
FAQ for Travelers Planning to Visit Heaven
Heaven has several noteworthy attractions. It boasts a decent choir, if you enjoy liturgical music. The library has a good book.
I’m the Man Who Gets Paid to Say “Tut Tut” Every Time You Think About Sex
Depending on how gross the thought is, I’ll either do a full “tut tut” or just a simple tongue cluck. It’s an art, really.
At Our Montessori School, We Offer Drug Culture Without the Drugs
By the time your child is in elementary school, they’ll be able to replace your basement door with a beaded curtain adorned with Grateful Dead skulls.
Easy Answers to Common Job Interview Questions for Anyone Who Was Saved by a Swamp Creature When They Were Nine
In five years I hope I can stop dwelling on the time when I was sucked into the thick swamp ooze only to be rescued by a creature of the night.
This Country Music Star Is Not Apologizing for Stealing Your Lunch from the Office Fridge
Trent Dribbly is a gale-force wind of fresh air with his unapologetic attitude about stealing leftover food from coworkers.
Emergency Public Services, Now with Corporate Sponsorship
Pop open a bottle today. It’s guaranteed to take your mind off the waterspout that’s currently ripping the roof off your neighbor’s house.
An Open Letter to Yo Momma: I’m Sorry
Looking back, I can see it was I, not yo momma, who is so dumb that I stood on a chair to raise my IQ.
Feast Finder: The New and Improved Way to Order Food!
Wow, Pete! You ordered a lot of food. Did you skip lunch again?
I Am Thrilled to Be the Mafia’s New Fall Guy
I mean, who wouldn’t want to be in charge of spreading a bit of autumnal spirit throughout the organization?
Teens Need to Put Down Their Phones and Get Hunted by Me, a Masked Killer
I appreciate the new possibilities social media has created, but I worry about what they’re missing out on.
Wirecutter Reviews: the Circles of Hell
Providing difficult choices among terrible options is—like with cable TV—in keeping with Hell’s overall philosophy of customer dissatisfaction.