Please Consider Me for Your Outlaw Biker Gang
I do great with a dress code. You guys had me at matching outfits. I was in marching band all throughout high school, so I totally get it.
Tag: Satire
Dear Wikipedia Readers, We’ll Get Right to It: We Need Your Money
That should say “eight million." I guess you could pay somebody to fix it or—wait, we do that for free, all for the cost of a cup of coffee, don’t we?
I Will Not Let Impostor Syndrome Get Me Down Just Because I’m an Actual Impostor
It has taken hard work to get to where I am. I am a self-made, set-a-guy-up-to-be-murdered-and-steal-his-identity kind of person.
I Explain Social Media to the Ghost of My Great-Grandfather
"That resembles nothing of a telephone, and I should know, I once lost a beloved terrier to Alexander Graham Bell in an ill-advised wager."
I Prefer Cold Weather to Hot Weather Because You Can Always Put on More Layers and Still Get Frostbite and Die
God, I adore those deadly Arctic air jet streams like they’re a Jacuzzi jet femme fatale delivering ice to my shivering body. The tingle!
Welcome Aboard C.U.L.T. Incorporated!
We want our employees to look virtually identical so if one disappears (I mean "calls out") we can just sub someone else into that role.
As CEO of Stouffer’s, I’ve Decided to Add 20x the Beef to Our Lasagna
We're always putting our customers' needs first. And they need more meat. So we’re shoving 20 times the beef into our lasagnas.
Will Sex One Day Become a Reality?
According to legend, the Egyptian ruler Cleopatra made out with the Roman general Mark Antony for several hours before falling asleep.
The Rules of Power According to a Teen in Charge of a Roller Coaster
They don’t know how to tame the most popular coaster in Central Jersey. You do.
I’m an ENFJ, Unless You Factor in How I’ve Acted over the Last 20 Years
If we should be in the elevator together I'll be looking at my phone the whole time, but that's just because I have so many friends to keep up with.
Could You Make This Novel a Bit Blacker?
Instead of Jerrick Glitterblade, how about Jamal Kingston? A little regional flavor would add specificity to his character.
To: The Lord RE: Your Mysterious Ways
Upper management has been attempting to quell frustration by saying, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” Well, I for one think that You should not.