Break Up at Our Apple Orchard!
You’ve become strangers to one another—growing apart the closer you cling.... But with apples!
Tag: Satire
It’s So Great to Have Football Back
Finally, these seven long months of happily spending time with my family, watching movies, and reading books have come to an end.
The Card Reader Talks Back
And were you born a frigid bitch or did life’s small cruelties mold you into one?
It’s Me, Your CEO, and I Can See Your Slack Messages About My Hair Transplant
I was shocked to see such vitriol aimed at myself and my new hair enhancement—it’s simply not the CloudMindTech way.
If You’re Anything Like Me
If you’re like me, you also have compassion and empathy. So when you realize the traffic is because of a major collision, you go from frustrated to concerned.
I Am Willing to Grow Out My Hair for the Right Part
I’m not supposed to say anything, but I’m growing it out for a gig. Nothing major, just an acting thing. I assume Jake told you I’m an actor?
As the Inventor of Password Requirements, I’m Sick of Your Bitching
“pizzalover99” is a drooling stoner. “PizzaLover99” is a mensch who commands respect in the boardroom, even with his fly down.
Congratulations, Your AI-Powered Surgery Was Mostly a Success!
Your first question, of course, must be, "Did we get the appendix out?" Yes. Most of it. Eventually.
Kids, Scrub Daddy and Scrub Mommy Are Getting a Divorce
Please, Scrubbies, dry the grease from your eyes. I’ll always be your Scrub Daddy.
Yes, I Am Your Evil Doppelgänger. No, I Do Not Want to Take over Your Life
Sorry, I don’t mean to nag. I’m your shadow-self, not your mother.
I’m the Third Weather Girl, Here with Some Hard Truths About How Bad Things Have Gotten Since It Started Raining Men
It’s been raining men every day since 1982, and the repercussions are getting more serious by the day.
You’re Invited to Your Kid’s Worst Friend’s Birthday at the Sketchiest Place in Town
It's time again to celebrate our beloved little Scarface-quoting third-grader. He's the reason your kid knows what ketamine is.