Satire | Page 152 | Points in Case

Tag: Satire

We’ve worked everything out with our mediator, Coffee Table. You can sit with me, Loveseat, on weeknights and with Chaise for naps on weekends.

I abide religiously by three principles: stay out of the sun, get plenty of sleep, and bathe in the blood of virgin women.

My operating system may look like it could run on a Fisher-Price, but don't be fooled by the over-sized print or intuitive icons. I am a UX terror.

I say, I say, I wished in one hand, pooped in the other, and all I got was pie in the face.

Buck: Wow, Jim. I especially liked the raw footage of Chip kicking butt in the chess club, and that slo-mo of him acing the AP calc exam.

I know my family can be hard to deal with. I can't cook, don't understand how to clean, and refuse to take out the trash for religious reasons.

I don't think any of my boyfriends have had such a positive impact on my life. You know, cup of Joe sends me off to work every day.

Should you fall ill, the university has shored up our reserve of adjuncts. They will easily be able to take on your classes in an emergency.

And your chicken nuggets are shaped like Shrek. How old are these things? They haven’t promoted a Shrek movie since 2010.

Miles, the Sagittarius, regales the party with tales from his trip to East Asia, and questions whether Western medicine is always right.

If anyone’s screen-sharing with a cop, it won’t be long until you’re keeping six feet away from the living. Screen-sharers are dead to me.

For verification purposes, please tag a public post that was clearly intended to be an embarrassing private message to you from that parent.