I’m Just a Man Who Believes in Breakfast Pizza
Subject: History WILL NOT be kind to the man who ignored breakfast pizza. Not gonna lie, Rob. Reallllly feel like you’re blowing it here.
Tag: Satire
My Unique Vision for Your Home’s Exterior
Painting that house took a lot of effort and expense. Despite all I went through to realize an artistic vision, that client has refused to pay.
Shakespeare Characters Write to the Ethicist
My question is whether, if this is fated to happen, I can nudge it along by killing my boss. --Name Withheld in Scotland
I’m the Mosquito Bite You Got at That Outdoor Cinema, and if You Scratch Me I Shall Become More Powerful Than You Can Possibly Imagine
Pride leads to compromise. Compromise leads to shorts. Shorts lead to mosquitos. Mosquitos lead to suffering.
Rules of “Post-Grad Life: The Board Game”
-You failed an interview. Move back a square -You found an unpaid internship. Move forward 3 squares -But you did not get hired. Move back 3 squares
HBO Now vs. HBO Max vs. HBO Run: What’s the Difference?
Wait, HBO Run is just Run? HBO Run has a wide catalog to explore. From old classics like the premiere of Run to newer hits like the finale of Run.
I’m the Sleepytime Tea Bear, and I Fuck
I'm a sex-positive ursidae in touch with my body and on fire with sexual empowerment. If you've seen a picture of me, I'm not even wearing pants.
A Wallet Laments Getting No Ass in Quarantine
Week after week, the routine never varies. Tim wakes up, reaches for idiotic iPhone, eats Cheez-Its, and sits on his sweet ass without me.
Satan Is Now on Cameo to Give You All Types of Shoutouts
I know a lot of you are all about sacrificing lives and animals to honor me, so I thought I would sacrifice some of my time for all of you.
Sure, Anti-Vaxxers Are Bad, But Have You Met My Aunty Vaxxers?
My terrifying, needle-wielding aunt who breaks into my bedroom nightly, holds me down, and then gives me thousands of vaccines while I'm sleeping.
How I Mastered Self-Love by Starting a Secret Affair with Myself
In an instant a few things happened: we locked eyes and both looked away in embarrassment; and I realized it was me.
We’re Sorry Our Roombas Are Killing You, But There’s Absolutely Nothing We Can Do
We want to make one thing perfectly clear: We will not be recalling our Roombas no matter how violent they get.