Satire | Page 119 | Points in Case

Tag: Satire

We made eye contact right before the huge bag of kitty litter I was holding ripped open and got in my eyes.

You think I won't beat you up? Just watch me! Please, don't fight back. Just watch me beat you up.

When I don’t immediately respond to your texts, it’s not because I’m just busy doing other things, it’s because I definitely hate you.

I did see you hiding (hard to miss the shape of my useless husband with his big dumb flip-flopped feet sticking out from behind the drapes).

I’m ready when you are. And I won’t even charge you anything, girl. It’s on me. Free Edition. I got you.

They don't even have numbers on their uniforms. They just have plain, ill-fitting husky tees donated by the Knights of Columbus.

I know Father Mike and his massive ego won’t like me saying this. The self-proclaimed “superstar” of the baptism world loves the spotlight.

Day 8: Another test, and another sticker. This one has a pile of crimson and golden autumn leaves with the “We’re in this together!” slogan.

Q. Can I safely bring an unpeeled potato into a sporting event? A. Security will likely be using metal & potato detectors. It will be confiscated.

You'll mistakenly think the reeds are developing some exotic flavor. Nope --It's mold. Another thing you neglected, like your "check engine" light.

Champs count on the only tire to receive MMA Magazine’s “Most Ultimate Tire” one year in a row.

When Mr. Cruise shouts his most favored insult at me, I must be grateful and verbally show him my appreciation with a delighted squeal.