Relationships | Page 11 | Points in Case

Tag: Relationships

Forgot I ate three cans of soup (Tuscan white bean, if you were wondering) last night and also decided to get rid of my old tambourine collection.

We made eye contact right before the huge bag of kitty litter I was holding ripped open and got in my eyes.

I just sit in the kitchen cupboard waiting until the next time you show up unexpectedly after months of neglect with your puffy eyes and runny nose.

Seeing you both now, I think we will sue. Sorry—I think we will. SUE, and Noah, you are clearly blessed.

This guide is not for the kids whose parents are still friends and kiss on the cheek every time they see each other. Those kids can go to hell.

Count down from 10 to 9. "Please don’t be mad, I know you’re going to say, ‘I know how to count down to zero and explode,' and I know you do baby.

The keyless key fob is another amazing tool, even though I constantly have to search the house because my dumb husband lost it again.

The PhD student who worships Peter Travers and prefers Kurt Cobain’s technical prowess as a vocalist over Nirvana as a band.

I’m disappointed that after our four-message exchange about how our weekends went, you haven’t proposed. It’s been almost a year, after all.

I did see you knock a few cups off of my counter, but that was only because I took a break from my constant sobbing.

It’s been proven time and time again that this country thrives when we reach across the aisle, civilly shake hands, and give our wives their space.

After she breaks up with him, appears outside her window in a trench coat. With a boombox blaring the iconic song she lost her virginity to.