Signs It’s Time to Cancel Your New Yorker Subscription
You scan the "Goings On About Town" and bemoan your meaningless existence in some secondary city 790 miles from any actual New Yorkers.
Tag: Lists
New and Improved Musical Instruments for 2019
When you're giving CPR and their mouth is stuck petrified in an O-shape, so when you blow it makes them whistle.
Maybe She’s Born With It. Maybe…
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe she reads the whole New Yorker article instead of giving up after the third paragraph like some people I could mention.
There Can Be a Hundred People in a Room and Ninety-Nine Don’t Believe in You
There can be a hundred people in a hundred different rooms and none of them believe in you. Sometimes things just work out like that.
Sincere 404 Page Not Found Errors
Domino’s Pizza: We’ll be back in 30 minutes or less, guaranteed. Use the DomiNoPage™ Tracker app for live updates.
Why Your Cat Has Economic Anxiety
You're always freelancing from home, which means your cat has to watch you and dart away when you notice. So there goes her whole day.
The Only 64 Crayola Crayon Colors Allowed in Mother Pence’s Immanuel Christian School Art Class
Second Lady Karen Pence has provided access to beautiful color shades such as Partial Birth Abortion Red-Orange and I Can Tolerate Misogyny Maroon.
Signs You’re Under a Spell Cast By a Chill AF Retired Sorcerer With a Ponytail and a Peace Sign Tattoo
Merrells are suddenly the only shoes that don’t "hurt your feet," and you explain this to strangers, even though your feet have never hurt.
What I Imagine Being an English Butler is Like
My creative outlet is composing letters to my imaginary wife since I have implicitly sworn a life of celibacy even though I didn't know I had to.
The 5 Best Garnishes for an Egg Salad Sandwich on the Subway
The "Egg on Egg Deluxe" is a regular egg that's been cured for two years and is dying to be enjoyed while crammed on the A train.
You Won’t Believe the Names of Charles Dickens’ Top Five Male Porn Stars
A live sex show performer, Thack Pour typically festooned his lithe body with corsets and cummerbunds of various sizes and quality.
Chuck Norris Would Like to Revisit His Facts
Chuck Norris continues to beat the sun in staring contests and that alone probably disproves climate change.