An Open Plea from Aloysius Lilius, Inventor of the Gregorian Calendar
Do you want to use the Julian calendar? Because I can make that happen tomorrow. Whenever tomorrow is on that mess.
Tag: Life
This Halloween, Dress as an Old-Timey Person from 2019
Here’s a funky, vintage suggestion: you could wear pants that close with a button at the top, rather than with an elastic waistband.
11 Money Moves Every Six-Year-Old Needs to Make Today
Fund your retirement account - The best time to start investing is when you’re born. The second best time is when you’re completely potty-trained.
Ground Rules for the Low-Stakes Time Machine
You can’t go back in time to kill Hitler, but you can go back to start your watercolor hobby earlier so you’d be at a more intermediate level now.
The Maid of Honor Speech I Gave as the Heartbeat of the Old Man with the Evil Eye Grew Louder and Louder from the Floorboards Below
It sounds like it’s coming from… Oh, Dave says it’s his heart beating quick, stealing glances at his beautiful new bride.
36 Hours in My Studio Apartment
Can We Chat?, 5 PM: Hop off the couch and back on Zoom with a terse smile pasted to your face. Don’t forget to put your shirt back on!
5 Running Shoes That Won’t Help Me Escape the Reality That My Wife Is Having an Affair with David Attenborough
Unfortunately, even if I found the perfect pair of running shoes and I was the fastest man in the world, I wouldn’t be able to outrun the truth.
The Run-Over Deer You’ve Decided to Use as a Symbol for Your Crumbling Relationship Has Had Enough
"Yeah, it’s cool, I’ll just lay here—lie here?" I’ll mutter, as you clamber out of your, I don’t know, 2012 Ford Fusion, with a Phish decal.
I’m Your HelloFresh Box—Are You Okay?
When I arrived on your doorstep (there was spring dew, I remember...), you were so excited. You opened me up right away, and we made magic together.
Here’s What That Really Cool Puddle of Water in the Middle of the Street Says About Your Gullibility
Most People Are Able to Successfully Trick You Into Doing Something Stupid: Notice how the water in this puddle ripples when you blow on it.
New Fall Traditions for You, A Thriving, Single, Mid-Thirties Woman
Let your dog Penelope off-leash to play with the human children while you talk to their parents about your mutual hardships in raising a young one.
My Life as an Empty Nester, According to Concerned Family and Friends
Deep, deep down, I do miss cleaning the bathroom after my son eats Chipotle’s Super Burrito with extra queso.