I remain perplexed as to the genesis of Igor’s strong opinions regarding the choice of which cadaver shall provide the penis.
Now you’re suspended on a wall of shard glass as rabid monkeys devour your intestines and Dave Matthews’ 2002 album “Busted Stuff” blasts on repeat.
Forcing a dork to do all your homework for you and then not even turning it in, slowly introducing the concept of nihilism into their worldview.
It agitated its shimmery surface, and with a convulsive motion, sprang to life. “BEHOLD, I AM THE TYE-DIE FRAPPUCCINO,” it roared.
I don’t dress for the male gaze. I dress to cover my biohazardous innards so no one detects I’m a heat-seeking scaled creature.
9 Times I Did Something Crazy at Jason’s Party and Everyone Was Like, “That’s Just Spencer Being Spencer!”
Jason was kind of pissed that I spilled his hot sauce all over myself, but that’s why I wore an apron!
"Friday the 13th" - It’s the thirteenth of the month and Alice Hardy is being stalked by an unstoppable force: her student loan payments.
"Even Younger Sheldon": This show goes back a little bit further in the story of everyone’s favorite eventual protagonist of "The Big Bang Theory." What sort of hi-jinks will Baby Sheldon get into?
Stand there waiting, hoping, an impossible, misplaced hope, that the moderators will not think to call on him.
Knowing that I did my part to separate a four-year-old from his mother with no plan or intent to reunite them, I can nod off shortly after vomiting.
I Know the CEO of This Restaurant Chain is Personally Responsible for the Death of Your Wife But Their Fries are So Good
You wouldn’t take away my memories just because all of your memories of Mr. Bawk Bawk are of the CEO standing over your wife’s lifeless body?
How could I ever dream of being a proponent of it when, in reality, I am a victim, torturously stalked by drama at every turn?!