Compared to 2020’s real-life plague, threat of fascist coup, and so on, your work has suffered from a lack of terrifying imagination.
December 12: Santa's naughty list of Democrat-controlled cities where the most egregious instances of police brutality take place (uh oh; it's long).
With so much laughter and Vicodin flooding the streets during the daylight hours, powerful dream beasts emerge to rule the night.
"The rooms were comfortable, the food was exquisite and my husband and I had a glorious time in the pool until they released those piranhas.”
The Total Amount of Money in Each of Our Swear Jars Since 147 Chilean Rose Hair Tarantulas Invaded Our Home
Dining Room Swear Jar: $1 Dark Corner Of The Attic Swear Jar: $57 Home Office Swear Jar: $0
Instead of the usual ghouls chasing you through the hallways, this year's tour will offer you a respite from the ongoing horror show that is 2020.
You come into possession of 12-25 sample eye creams. Every few weeks you get another one. How do they get there? What do they do? No one knows.
Jigsaw sunk into a deep depression after realizing that no one is ever in the mood "to play a game" anymore, especially over Zoom.
"Pazuzu": What was the demon up to before possessing young Regan MacNeil in 1973's "The Exorcist"?
With five minutes left in the movie, I am about to undergo a radical psychological transformation and become brave.
I definitely don’t lay in bed motionless, hovering between sleep and wakefulness, until finally my hungry cat comes and scream-meows in my face.
Congratulations Caterpillar, In a Month You’ll Be Flying! But Your Mouth and Jaw Will Be Gone and You’ll Have a Long Skinny Horror Tube
Oh, and instead of those dozens of legs you’re used to, you’ll have six legs and there’ll be basically tongues on the end of each of them.