Horror Movie Fate or Ways My Italian-American Mother Thinks I Risk Accidental Death, Which Is Lurking Around Every Corner?
- That cut is going to get infected - Fuel leak recall from a car I don’t own
Tag: Horror
Letterboxd Reviews for the Accidental Livestream of My Trip to the Bathroom
★★★ Watched on the toilet. Very meta experience. Would recommend.
You Should Quit Social Media Because You Are Being Pursued by a Hideous Creature of Your Own Making
People are buying your data. What people? Well, maybe not people in general, but definitely the hideous creature you created.
Zillow Listing for the House from “The Blair Witch Project”
Admire the local artisanship on display, particularly the humanoid stick figures bound in twine looming overhead in the trees.
I Am the Menacing Voiceover from a Horror Movie Trailer and I’m Just Trying to Order a Pizza
MINDLESS EATING MACHINES, TO STRIKE TERROR INTO THE HEARTS OF MEN. FOR MAN IS THE WARMEST PLACE TO HIDE. For $2 more the pizzas come with extra cheese.
90 Years Later, Universal’s “Frankenstein” Remains a Poignant Tale of How Fucked Up It Would Be If There Was a Guy Whose Head Was Perfectly Flat on Top
Even today, when I see his head, my mind goes wild with possibilities, envisioning all the dirty dishes that I could set down upon it.
I Am the Self-Checkout Machine and I Want to Play a Game
Error: Place all scanned items in the bagging area, even the 50-pound bag of dog food. Figure it out. The rules of our game have been made very clear.
A Series of Communiques from Your Former and Forever Meal Delivery Service
For free shipping on those meals, send a follow-up text with promo code: YESYOUCANTRACKMYPHONE.
Plot Summaries of Unpublished Monster Novels by Nobel Laureates
J. M. Coetzee: A boy who may or may not be Jesus battles racist zombies. Jean-Paul Sartre: Lucifer tricks a man into ordering a bad batch of escargots.
Visions I Had After Succumbing to the Madness That Befalls All Men Who Dare Drink the Milk of the Eldest Keebler Elf
If you are offered a chance to suckle at the teat of the eldest Keebler elf, I pray you heed my warning.
Financial Planning for the Jigsaw Killer
Three tricycles, $170.00? What does a man need with three tricycles? I’ve never once seen him exercise!
Corporate Team Building or “Saw” Trap?
We’ll start with an easy one here to get this going: A Three-Hour Corporate PowerPoint Presentation with Required Participation.