Lost Dog: Do Not Chase, Respectfully Acknowledge
If spotted, DO NOT CHASE. Instead, acknowledge his beauty, respectfully. Obviously all dogs are beautiful, but he’s a stunner.
Tag: Best of Year
Don’t Be Nervous on Your First Day of Time Travel Because You Retired Yesterday After Fifty Years and We’re All Going to Miss You
Periodically you might encounter your double. Do not engage, especially for sex.
This Noir Detective Definitely Skipped Dinner
She rolls into my office like one of those rotating hot dogs at 7-11. You know the ones, plastic-y but intriguing.
It’s Great to Hear About Your Wedding, Even Though I’m a Monster Living in the Sewers
So where are you holding the wedding? Is it going to be in the sewers of Chicago?
There’s Shareholder Value in Them There Hills
Grab yerself a seat by the fire, take a swig of this here moonshine, and connect with me on LinkedIn.
Best of PIC 2024
Our Best of 2024 articles feature a Furby boyfriend, a leering train conductor, a pugnacious philosopher, a hip and out-of-shape dad, and more!
My Client Would Never Rob a “Noodles & Company”
Is it even a crime to steal pasta? Oh right, it is.
You Thought I Was Just Some Dad, Until I Did One Bad Pull-Up on These Monkey Bars
Now you’re thinking, “Wait, is that kid’s sexy childless uncle visiting from somewhere cool like Denmark?”
You’re Caught in a Bear Trap? I’m Not Falling for That Again
“I am caught in this bear trap and I’m in grave danger” is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Tight up there with “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”
What My Next Week Would Have to Look Like for This Swiss Army Knife Purchase to Be Worth It
As the sun sets on the horizon, I use the bottle opener to crack open some ice cold beers and bond with my shipmates.
The Thing About My Non-Committal Boyfriend Is That He Was Hurt in a Previous Relationship Also He Can’t Close His Eyes Completely like a Furby
He was broken up with once, so we can’t expect him to be anywhere on time, as planned, or wearing an outfit appropriate for the occasion.
I’m the Conductor Yelling “Alllllll Aboard” at the Train Station and I Love Watching You Kiss
I’ve delayed trains for hours at a time just to let couples wet each other’s face holes before departure.