"You are tearing our family apart." / "Your dog just threw up on my new shoes." / "Can you pick me up a pregnancy test when you’re out?"
I’m just a Pumpkin Spice Latte, standing in front of a customer, asking them to love me for more than 55 days a year...
24 hours: A work acquaintance who could care less about my existence but whose validation I seek nonetheless.
“I pledge fealty to you, my Pumpkin Dad” is another great example of a gourd-geous caption being used by Fall fanatics everywhere.
Spend a luxurious evening in a gorgeous Four Seasons suite with an ex lover of your choosing. You passed right through denial and into anger.
Red and White – Said or did something stupid but not necessarily evil. Named their baby after their foot massager.
I'm giving away the chance to enter a drawing for a trip for one to one of the most romantic destinations in the world: Calgary!
There isn't a law on the books or rule of decorum that will get us to budge. Civilization has no hold over us this deep in the crowd.
Do your thoroughbred Tibetan Mastiffs refuse to walk past your Nest Detect Sensor™ into the the conservatory where your stepfather passed away?
Jimmy Silverman (Jimmy’s Room): Was anybody in my room the other night? I heard strange noises coming from my closet and it smelled like bad eggs.
Ask your millennial co-worker if they need a muscle relaxer when they talk about Twitch, then find out it's not what your back does after a workout.
Uber: For Speed Dating - Sit up front because "you get carsick." Ask the driver if they have any siblings. If they ask you back, you’re in.