Lost Your Mojo? Join the “Regain Your Mojo at the HoJo” Hotel Seminar
Stage hypnotists are using everything from scare tactics to the element of surprise to downright threats to unlock the door to the Mojo begging to be let back in.
Tag: America
Mark Zuckerberg Introduces Facebook Bona Fide for $8/Month
For just $8/month, Facebook Bona Fide will allow users in the six travel-banned countries to make up to 12 Bona Fide friend requests each month to users in the US.
When I Need to Handle International Crises, I Stay in a Lovely Trump Hotel
Mar-a-Lago, Trump Tower in New York, Trump Tower in Chicago, all safely outside the war zone. Every single direction, up, down, I built them all.
How I Became Woke AF By Spending 6 Months Meaning to See Moonlight
For months, when my less-woke family and friends talk about movies, I proudly declare that I've been meaning to see Moonlight and actually want to see it really badly.
The Bachelor: Press Secretary Edition
Newt Gingrich: [Cupping Donald Trump's tear-stained face in his hands] You owe it to yourself to move on from Spicer. He hurt you. It’s time to find your next true love, Mr. President.
Melania Hates Me, But at Least I Still Have the Support of the American People
You've all seen Melania being cold to me. No hand holding, eye rolls, ignoring, walking separately, bad, bad. But I'm not upset because at least the American people still love me.
11 Inspiring Quotes from Americans Working Jobs They’re Totally Unqualified For
"Never bottle up your confusion. Think out loud. An effective way to communicate your muddled beliefs is Twitter." -Kisha P., Police Desk Sergeant
5 Historical Events Reimagined If Congressional Republicans Had Been in Charge
Republicans have demonstrated unflappable stoicism in the face of foreign attacks, unparalleled corruption, and looming constitutional crisis. How would they have fared with historical events?
You Won’t Need Healthcare for Long, Trust Me
No sense in paying all this money for Obamacare when the end is near. Expensive, too expensive, when we're all going to die anyway. You should love the AHCA.
America Needs a Revolution But Preferably Not One That Inconveniences My Comfortable Lifestyle
The world is watching us, waiting... But can we respond tomorrow, maybe? I'm kind of tired tonight. I worked till like 6pm today and the season finale of "Ladies of London" is on.
You’d Play Golf Too If You Were Trying to Ignore the Suffering of Millions of People
Get lots of bad press for golf, bad, but you’d spend most of your time golfing too if you were trying to distract yourself from everyone’s problems.
Rex Tillerson’s Honey-Do List from His Wife, Renda
It’s tough going from the head honcho to being a number 2. What do I always say? “If you don’t punch the hog in the nose he’ll make complex international decisions without you.”