"Bitch Mom’s Top Ten Child Rearing Tips and the Cocktails to Pair with Them: with Recipes from the Hit Blog, Bitch Mom Kitch Mom"
"I only had two glasses of wine with dinner." Ah, ah, ah. Correction: you had two AND A HALF glasses of wine.
After a big fight, he usually: A) Shotguns a Four Loko in a gas station parking lot B) Chugs a pint of Fireball on your front yard
Simon says viable New Year’s resolutions for this group are probably simple things you can do in your home without giving up ANY vices.
He had pallid green skin and was terribly smelly, Like putrid roast beef in petroleum jelly.
I can photograph them from straight away with the bottle centered, straight away with the bottle slightly off-center to the left...
Let whiskey cook slowly until boil. Add reckless spoonfuls of cinnamon until brown haze floats over liquid like a haunted fart.
In one of his more difficult passages, Hemingway suggests that the combination of alcohol and music can result in a fine evening.
I’m the Friend Who Gets Emotional When Drunk and Needs to Tell You Something in the Bathroom Right Now
Like, it's actually important, it will only take a second or 30 full minutes, time means nothing to me, I'm 7 shots deep and had lettuce for dinner.
The minute you opted for the Pomegranate Margarita, gave your credit card to your "date," and said, "this round's on me," you entered my domain.
You’re in no condition to drive. But it would be even more dangerous to let your companion do it.
You too would like to manage the front desk of a dilapidated alcohol peddler who mostly sells Malibu rum to teenagers with fake IDs.