Congratulations on Securing a Saggy Bed and Creaky Desk at Our Artist Colony!
This residency is fully funded and exists in an alternate universe where the words fully funded do not mean we give you funds.
This residency is fully funded and exists in an alternate universe where the words fully funded do not mean we give you funds.
I’m just a Pumpkin Spice Latte, standing in front of a customer, asking them to love me for more than 55 days a year...
“I don’t want to come off as needy so I’ve been sitting on this text for precisely 72 hours since our last hang.”
That should say “eight million." I guess you could pay somebody to fix it or—wait, we do that for free, all for the cost of a cup of coffee, don’t we?
God, I adore those deadly Arctic air jet streams like they’re a Jacuzzi jet femme fatale delivering ice to my shivering body. The tingle!
If I see an unattended Mason jar, you’re goddamn right that I’m filling it with marbles, lemon slices, and a few artistically disheveled wheat stems.
Instead of buying a latte, deposit $5,000 in an IRA. Do that every single day and within less than a year you’ll have nearly a million dollars!
TIME Magazine once called Dr. Krunth, “a man mad enough to think himself a God while doing the work of the Devil.” All summer I would call him “boss.”
You can’t read half the ingredients and might be suffocating a baby penguin with excess sodium monofluorophosphate, but at least you’re minty fresh.
It's not that I’m afraid of commitment—I just don’t want to start something that’s not right for me.