I got a ticket this morning for making a left in a No-Left Turn Zone or some such shit. It was perhaps the most boring exchange on the planet. The cop was so antiseptic, so stuck on the script and outright bored, that the entire exchange left no imprint on me. I hate it when the same experiences that inconvenience me also fail to entertain me. It double sucks when it's like that.
Weirder than that is that this cop was in an unmarked sports car. In Tampa, the guys in unmarked sports cars could give two shits about writing up traffic citations, but I was not in Tampa. I was in Sarasota County where crime apparently is at a premium.
In Tampa, I've had a lot of luck with the cops, so I guess I was due. In the past two years I have been pulled over for speeding, running a stop sign and throwing a bag of Chic-Fil-A out a window. All three of those cops let me off with a warning and provided me with a source of entertainment.
The stop sign cop was a big fat guy who made a few jokes about my job that weren't all that funny and then wrote me a warning. Not the best story, but at least he left me with an impression of his character.
The speeding cop was real cool. I was going fifty in a thirty because I was running late to umpire a baseball game. I told the old cop (he was like sixty or so) my reason for running late and he actually said, “Well, I don't want to be the cop that gives a speeding ticket to a little league umpire.”
I have no idea why he would not want to be that cop. None. Zero, zip and zilch. But I did not question his logic because he was letting me off with a warning.
And the Chic-Fil-A cop is documented. But for those of you who don't feel like clicking away right now, let me just say that he really didn't give me a warning. I mean, he didn't hand me a piece of paper or anything. And he referenced a Joseph Heller novel, which was? unexpected, I guess is the right word.
But today's cop was so methodical about everything. He asked me if I knew why I was pulled over. I told him what I did and I apologized. He asked for my license and registration, ran my information, gave me my ticket and wished me a safe day.
I mean, what the hell is that?
Anyway, as one of my old friends used to say:
“It's not really anything. It's just one of those infractions that do not require an appearance in court. Those are the best kind of infractions.”
It really is all about how you look at it.
Hope y'all had great Thanksgivings, and thanks to Maryanne and Richard and their family for having me over. It's always a pleasure for me down there.
Well, up until the cop.