“I Met My Wife’s Lover, and I Think He’s Swell” (1955)

…What a guy!
what a hunk
who wouldn’t want him to ball and dunk?
I think he’s a neat cat
imagining him making love to my wife?
well, I don’t mind that, Jack…


“Let’s Watch a Stag Film” (1975)

…Daddy-O’s got an idea for our big date
no need to go out – it’s much too late
but I just bought a special super 8
so pull up a chair and get cosy and groovy
let’s settle in and watch a blue movie…


“Toot Toot! (Milk My Johnson All the Way to Wisconsin)” (1961)

…Farm country at night
not a light in the sky
train to Sheboygan
won’t hit the border for miles
but I’m all smiles
got a rocket in my pocket, Sam
like a pig – I’m all ham
Hear that whistle blow!
train’s moving fast doncha know, boy-O
so I'm gonna milk my Johnson
all the way to Wisconsin…


“I Made Some Ill-Advised Investments” (1952)

…this fella popped up
said he’d make me a rich gent
get me all bejeweled
and sodden in scents
said I could put my girl in French perfumes
and emerald onesies
Only one problem:
this guy’s name was Ponzi…


“I Just Clogged Your Toilet” (1967)

…Might wanna break out the plunger
I just rocked a nasty deuce
and your pipes are clogged
with my feces
I feel awkward about it, kiddo…

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