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Which book about decision making should I read first?

What was that word again? Oh yea, “unforgettable.”

Words can hurt. Ask anyone who’s ever had a dictionary thrown at them.

Witness: This guy literally bragged about committing the murder.
Murderer: I told you that in confidence!

The artist bio can go south really fast: painter, photographer, calligrapher, dentist.

Today is the first day of the rest of my week.

Knocking on a door is funny because it's like, “Hey! I'm coming in, but first I gotta teach this door a lesson.”

Home is where the heart is: a jar in the back of my closet.

How do we decide which soup of the day becomes soup of the year?

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“I wish I had something to complain about,” she whined.

The Tooth Fairy is just an organ trafficker.

RIP Henry VIII, you would’ve loved Fruit Ninja.

My English teacher always told me “You can't spell ‘success' without help.” Because I was a really bad speller.

To choose the correct spelling, trust your judgement. Or maybe your judgment?

Weddings would be more fun if The Worst Man gave a speech.

I was going to attend a seminar on procrastination, but I told myself I could always go later.

*Sees someone with gold, frankincense, or myrrh* Oh a wise guy, eh?

Spelling Bee? Yeah, that's super easy, it's only three letters.

“Not all who wander are lost” is a beautiful quote, but not so reassuring to hear from Google Maps.