« Back to Indecent Proposal, Part 1

The two hours or so in between the initial proposal and when I answered were due to the overwhelming sense of shock that initially washed over me. Eventually I was able to get past my disgust and fuck with the guy.

quen3ch1 (9:25:59 PM): lol u there?
quen3ch1 (9:32:45 PM): ?
quen3ch1 (10:18:05 PM): there bro?
MarinetheAss (11:26:56 PM): how much
quen3ch1 (11:27:50 PM): idk dude, i dunno your farting habits, lol if we chilled for like an hour how many times could u rip ass on me?
MarinetheAss (11:28:05 PM): 65465561615
MarinetheAss (11:28:08 PM): that many
quen3ch1 (11:28:15 PM): lol cmon be honest, seriously
MarinetheAss (11:28:32 PM): is this per fart
MarinetheAss (11:28:35 PM): or a flat rate
quen3ch1 (11:28:36 PM): im absolutely serious here man. do u know how hard it is trying to find someone who can actually fart a lot?
MarinetheAss (11:28:36 PM): estimation
quen3ch1 (11:28:53 PM): id prefer to just give u a flat rate
MarinetheAss (11:29:20 PM): okay
quen3ch1 (11:29:43 PM): but idk if its gonna be worth it, cause im 2 hours away an all, and plus u said u dont even fart a lot anymore
quen3ch1 (11:31:00 PM): u there
MarinetheAss (11:31:14 PM): yeah
MarinetheAss (11:31:21 PM): listen I'm gonna need $10,000
MarinetheAss (11:31:25 PM): to even think about it
MarinetheAss (11:31:38 PM): but I can fart like no other man on earth
MarinetheAss (11:31:41 PM): repeatedly
MarinetheAss (11:31:45 PM): stinkily
quen3ch1 (11:32:15 PM): lol thats fn crazy bro, lol just for u to fart on me, u gotta be kidding me. plus i dont even make that much in like a year to be able to afford that, im only 25 years old man. im not super filthy rich or fn rockafeller here man. damn .lol .
MarinetheAss (11:33:06 PM): well i suggest you start saving up
quen3ch1 (11:33:14 PM): lol i guess so.
quen3ch1 (11:33:38 PM): 🙁 mahhhnnnnnnn
quen3ch1 (11:34:11 PM): i can give u 300 bones
quen3ch1 (11:36:23 PM): plus, if u really fart a lot, we can make this a recurring thing, like chill out twice a month
quen3ch1 (11:40:01 PM): thats 600 bones if u do it twice, but hey dude thats as much as i can afford right now. i dont even know if u can fart a lot so i think thats a pretty generous offer. what if u cant fart? lol.
MarinetheAss (11:41:38 PM): I will mail you a piece of shit for 600
MarinetheAss (11:41:41 PM): in tupperware
MarinetheAss (11:41:45 PM): if I fedex that shit it will still be warm
quen3ch1 (11:41:52 PM): lol i am not looking for ur poop man
MarinetheAss (11:41:55 PM): you're gonna have to pay for shipping though
quen3ch1 (11:42:08 PM): its not the same as farting lol
MarinetheAss (11:42:41 PM): what!?!? isn't it all the same shit?
MarinetheAss (11:42:46 PM): LITERALLY
MarinetheAss (11:42:58 PM): are you trying to tell you can tell the difference between the smell of a poop and a fart?!?!?
quen3ch1 (11:43:22 PM): lol idk man I am talking about like being farted on not smelling shit, lol
MarinetheAss (11:43:41 PM): what if I record the sound of me farting like an ungodly animal and include that in the package?
MarinetheAss (11:43:45 PM): that's got to be worth at least a g
MarinetheAss (11:44:00 PM): talk about presentation value
quen3ch1 (11:44:02 PM): lol can we please talk about farts dude
quen3ch1 (11:45:58 PM): dude im a real cool and chill guy, just want ur farts thats it, u want cash i want farts, lol.
MarinetheAss (11:46:21 PM): listen man I am trying to work with you here
MarinetheAss (11:46:33 PM): try and think outside the box a little?
quen3ch1 (11:50:03 PM): can we work something out. pleassse.
MarinetheAss (11:51:41 PM): if you close your eyes while listening to the sound of my awesome farting powers in action and open a Target-quality Gladware filled with my fresh turds are you seriously telling that wouldn't do the trick??
quen3ch1 (11:52:11 PM): lol man that is not going to cut it
quen3ch1 (11:58:43 PM): is there any way we can work something out bro? its fn hard to find a guy who can rip a lot of farts, its like a needle in a haystack man. but i cant afford $10000 im only 25 years old im not super rich here. is there any way we can work out a deal?
MarinetheAss (12:01:41 AM): what if we got a large cardboard box and I farted into one end while your head was in the other?
MarinetheAss (12:01:57 AM): what would that fetch? Like twentyfive hundo maybe?
MarinetheAss (12:02:05AM): I'll throw in the box for free
MarinetheAss (12:02:11 AM): yours to keep
quen3ch1 (12:03:38 AM): lol listen I need hot farts right in my face man. none of this box or fedex stuff, lol. i am just looking for some good quality farting man. will you pleassse work something out with me here
MarinetheAss (12:11:41 AM): okay okay okay
MarinetheAss (12:11:53 AM): I'll tell you what I am going to do for you
MarinetheAss (12:12:17 AM): I will be your farting broker
MarinetheAss (12:15:23 AM): I have insight into the seedy underbelly of the farting world, connections abound in the most flatulent places on earth, and for a fee I will arrange your sordid little fantasy, but I'm warning you now it's not going to be cheap. In fact I want $10,000 to start and once I find you a viable candidate I want to negotiate on the per-fart level. If you find these conditions permissible I would like to begin my quest immediately.
quen3ch1 (12:13:47 PM): lol ur crazy man

And so ended the sad saga of the farter and I. Or so I thought; from what I understand he threatened immediate legal action against Court and PIC.com.

What I would like to know is this:

1. Would you have done this?
2. How much would you charge?
3. Can I be your fart-broker today?

If you, or anyone you know is interested in sexual farting please email me at [email protected]