I'm sure you are all aware by now of Google+, the latest social networking site that has been going around (and yes, I did just allude to the fact that it is kind of like a venereal disease in the first sentence). If you haven't heard of Google+ then not only do I completely envy your degree of social networking ignorance, but I completely envy your degree of general internet ignorance. Google+, or as I affectionately refer to it as, "Fuck the Zuck," is Google's answer to Facebook… oh, I'd say about seven years too late. I guess the basic idea is that if you're completely bored of Facebook (which of course we all are) then you now have another option to completely start over and make yourself feel hip and fresh, regardless of the fact that it's exactly the same. Let me say that again, IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME!

The Lion King standing on the edge of a cliff
Hakuna Matata…unless of course you have to rebuild your whole social network from scratch.

It's social networking, people, it isn't hip and fresh, it's old and boring. Social networking is and always has been the complete breakdown of any "real" interactions with people and is only really useful for stalking others. Now before you get all defensive and angry about me reducing your "friends" on social networking sites to mere stalker victims, let me be the first to point out what a complete and total hypocrite I am since I willingly participate in many forms of social networking. For the record, yes, I am on Facebook and have been for some time. For the record, yes, I am on Twitter, and I even wrote an article about it which you can read here. For the record, yes, I am on Tumblr, and I honestly don't know what to say about it, except that it's an ADHD person's dream or an epileptic person's nightmare. Finally, for the record, yes, I am on Google+ for no other reason than to stay on the cutting edge of what is completely old and tired…well, that and I just really like stalking you people, which I guess doesn't make me a hypocrite after all.

So what can I say about Google+ that hasn't been said before about every other social networking site that has preceded it? I could tell you how useful it is to compartmentalize people into "circles," exactly the same as creating lists on Facebook. I could tell you how useful it is to chat with people in those "circles," exactly the same as limiting your chat availability on Facebook. I could tell you to "+1" everything you… um… "like," exactly the same as you do on Facebook. I could tell you how to instantly let everyone know what you want them to know, all at the same time, exactly the same as… well, exactly the same as ALL of the other social networking and micro-blogging sites. Basically, all I can tell you is that it is EXACTLY THE SAME as all of the other sites, just in a different state of colonization. Google+ is a rich, fertile environment; Facebook is a bustling metropolis; MySpace is a post-apocalyptic porn/spam bot wasteland; and Friendster… hahah, remember Friendster?!

Google+, Facebook, MySpace, and Friendster comparison
Know your social networking history.

Google+ is nothing more than Google, plus a whole lot of hype over something you're already using. Of course, don't let that stop you from signing up for it immediately, since everyone runs right out and buys the latest iPhone which functions almost identically to the last iPhone and the one before that. At least Google+ is free and totally exclusive—so exclusive that you can invite anyone. Who wants an invite?! Seriously, let me know and I'll send you your very own exclusive invite that you can't get anywhere else, except everywhere you look! You gotta stay current people, or you'll end up like your grandparents who just NOW figured out how to use a microwave. To be honest, all of this +1 shit is getting to me; I feel like everywhere I go on the internet I have imaginary friends following me making me +1 or more, but then I remember that all of my online friends are imaginary.

There is one thing however that I found Google+ is REALLY useful for, on account of a circle/ring definition loophole.

Google Plus is scary
Suck it, Samara!

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