>>> The News: JAY KAY!
By staff writer Amir Blumenfeld
June 23, 2004

The real news (for boring people)
The breakdown (for college people)

Democrats Screen ‘Fahrenheit 9/11' in D.C.

WASHINGTON – Cheered by supporters, Michael Moore previewed his Bush-bashing documentary, “Fahrenheit 9/11,” before a mostly Democratic audience in the nation's capital Wednesday night.

That title pisses me off. They should really convert 9/11 to a decimal. But I guess Fahrenheit .8181818 is a bit too long.

Democratic National Committee chairman Terry McAuliffe said he thought the film would play an important role in this election year.

Oh hey! Terry's right! What a coincidence! This movie is about George W. Bush and they're releasing it before his election! Wow! Terry for FUCKING VICE PRESIDENT!! OF OBVIOUS LAND!!!! (And me for treasurer!)

“This movie raises a lot of the issues that Americans are talking about, that George Bush has been asleep at the switch since he's been president,” McAuliffe said as he walked the red carpet into the premiere.

“Now watch this drive.”

Sen. Tom Harkin of Iowa implored all Americans to see the film: “It's important for the American people to understand what has gone on before, what led us to this point, and to see it sort of in this unvarnished presentation by Michael Moore.”

I'm sorry, did you say “See it sort of”? Did you see a premiere of “Fahrenheit 9/11 Kinda”? TAKE A STAND SENATOR!! Now watch this drive.

The two-hour film depicts President Bush as lazy and oblivious to warnings in the summer of 2001 that al-Qaida was poised to strike. It also accuses the administration of manipulating the Sept. 11 attacks and fanning terrorism fears to win support for the Iraq war.

I really really wanna just write “Now watch this drive” for every commentary, but I know that's not fair to those who haven't seen the trailer, and don't understand what that quasi-inside joke means.

Dozens of fans greeted Moore outside the theater with applause and shouts of “Go Michael!”

NOW WATCH THIS DRIVE!!!!!

Moore, a fervent Bush critic, said he hopes the movie will get people to the ballot box in November.

Because if they go in October, it won't mean as much!

“If this movie can inspire a few of that 50 percent that did not vote in this country to get back involved, to re-engage, then the movie will have accomplished something important,” he said.

“And if this movie cures cancer, then it will have accomplished something even MORE important,” Moore added.

Opening in limited release in New York on Wednesday, the film drew mixed reaction.

Psht. That's absurd! Films can't draw!! Now. Watch this drive.

“This movie is slanted — it's a backlash at the president, taking the view that U.S. leadership is incompetent,” said Miguel Brown, 22, a production assistant who did not work on the movie. “Moore makes it look like U.S. soldiers in Iraq were thrown into battle straight off the streets. The American army is better than that.” Brown is the son of a military officer.

While he was correct in saying that the film was slanted, that was only because of technical difficulties in the movie theater. After realizing the error, the film was then unslanted and the rest of the unbiased movie was viewed correctly.

“Fahrenheit 9/11” won the top honor at last month's Cannes Film Festival.

More like Canines Film Festival. More like Best in Show. More like watch this drive.

The movie, which carries an R rating, opens nationwide on Friday. Moore and his distributors lost their appeal Tuesday to lower the rating to PG-13.

Well what do you expect. There's like a full frontal scene involving GW…and he's hung like a mule.


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